Tuesday, December 8, 2009

dissecting and killing the white rat

mood : sick
song : again & again - 2PM


case 1

yeah, i just finished my lab session for anatomy. and today, we dissected a rat, a white rat, a poor white rat.

to be honest, i was really excited since i have this sick mind of liking to cut flesh and see things bleed.

and then i was in the same group as Lina and Azra and when we started dissecting, Azra started to turn weird. she was red and she was about to cry. i always knew that she had a soft heart, seeing that she actually cares for people even though sometimes she just don't know or don't want to show it. then, the question is,

why did i started to feel bad after i saw her like that?

why did i started to feel bad for the rat when i was actually really excited to dissect it?

why did i feel like telling her it's okay and make her okay?

why did i started to get scared of her suddenly emotional change?

well, i wonder. but then i got an answer from myself. she said,

"probably because you just care about her"

case 2

i think i want to make a new fanfic.

Tsuna was forced to marry one of his cousins by his dad but he doesn't want to. Then he was given the choice to either marry Hibari, Mukuro or Byakuran. Who will he choose? And who will win his heart?

case 3

when i dissected the rat, i noticed some similarities to when i was dissecting the frog last year.

1. after i dissected them, i smelled something really bad, but then i never bothered to care. my delusional brain told me it was the smell of death. it comes just in a short while and then it disappeared, leaving the stench of that dead body.

2. the feeling when i saw their hearts beating in front of me. i felt a bit guilty but somehow in a sick way, i enjoyed watching it. maybe i am a psycho.

3. only after about ten hours later, i feel sorry for them. which means my sympathy for them are late. is it normal?

someone to love : Belphegor (Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn!)


new word : solicitous
1. manifesting or expressing care or concern
2. full of anxiety or concern, apprehensive
3. extremely careful, meticulous
4. full of desire, eager

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