Thursday, January 21, 2010

depression attacks

i just wanted to cry. and cry and cry and cry. again and again and again.

and where's people when i needed them?

i failed chemistry which means i got 0.00 for my pointer. i dragged everything down and i'm really depressed about it. i'm whiny, i suck, and i just suck.

and my aunt just called, i was reluctant to pick up and i accidentally pressed reject so i accidentally rejected her call. i really wanted to cry now.

and right now, i fear for my sanity.

Monday, January 11, 2010

tired of waiting

mood : despair
song : my heart - 2PM

"there's just too much that one could say when he's pressed between his love and his sanity." -Bloodress

my heart ache. though i don't know why.

why? why?
i can't seem to stop loving.


there were parts of me that's screaming and another parts lying.

and which part is screaming? why are you lying?

i'm dwelling into the past again. and i hate myself for being like this.

because sometimes you just couldn't help it. you missed him don't you?

little by little, i tried to stop this overflowing feeling. but i'm losing my sanity.

because you love him too much.

i feel worthless and that's why it just hurt more.



i'm stressed, i'm stressed to the core.

i hated waiting yet

it was the thing that i did the most in my life.

pity me, huh?

that's why, i won't wait for anyone anymore.

if you love me, don't make me wait.

because that's one of the thing i DESPISE the most.


and still, i'm waiting

for you.


"i'll just cry tomorrow

because i can't do it in front of you." - Ila


i was interested in knowing myself. because i don't know myself worser than you.


look at me.

and tell me that i'm beautiful.


"i'm waiting for someone, to translate my heart." - Ila


"don't you pity yourself? for crying out like this?" -Alexiel


i'm missing you. more than i'm missing anyone else.

and the thought of not being able to see you ever again, made it even harder to breathe.


"when i first saw you, you were emotionless. then i know, you're broken." - Lex


"i'd tapped you on your shoulder. just because i want you to know that I care about you." - Camille


someone please save me


someone to love : Fye I. Malilith
statement of the day : my heart, is still beating

Friday, January 8, 2010

Questions (repost)

Tittle : Questions
Author : Ila Way

Eventhough it was too much, I still wanted to ask you…

“Fye, lets play 20 questions,” said Ila, smiling to the silver-haired one.
“Oh, that game?”
Ila smiles, nodding to the question. “Why do you like that game so much?”
“Tee hee, because I love to hear your answers. And I should be the one questioning here,” she smiles again with hands brushing Fye’s hands.
“Oh, I see. Forgive me. Then, I’ll answer every single of them just for you.”

“Do you love me?” – “I do”
“Do you care about me?” – “I do”
“Do you really love me?” – “Yes, I do”
“Do you really care about me?” – “Yes, I do”
“Do you love Malilith?” – “I do”
“Do you really love Malilith?” – “Yes, I do”
“Do you care about him?” – “I do”
“Do you really care about him?” – “Yes, I do”
“Would you cry if I die?” – “I would”
“Would you cry if Malilith die?” – “I would”
“How much do you love me?” – “As much as you do”
“How much do you love Malilith?” – “As much as he does”
“How much do you love us?” – “More than myself”
“Have you ever thought that we are annoying?” – “Never”
“Have you ever thought that we are cute?” – “Always”

So, the question continues and Fye gladly answer every single of them until…

“How long will you stay with us?”

That last question… The last question… There is no answer coming from Fye. Ila stares blankly at him, waiting. He sighed and…

“Forever, my love”

But he lied. He never stay. He never did. He is the first to leave us… for eternity.

Eventhough I know it will hurt me, I still wanted to hear it…

“Will you ever leave?” – “Stop asking”
“Will you ever leave me?” – “Stop asking”
“Will you ever leave me like Fye did?” – “Stop…”
“Will you ever, Malilith… *holds herself* Will you ever…-” – “STOP IT!”

Malilith. He is the one who never answer, He never answer me. No matter how many times I asked him. No matter how…

“Malilith… W… Will you ever… -”
“It’s not like that! I… I just… Just wanted to…”
“If you keep on asking, I’ll kill myself,” said Malilith in threatening voice. “I will, Ila. I will”

No matter how painful it is, he will never answer. He will never… Unlike Fye…

But he creid everyday… Everyday when I did not ask…

“Why remain like this?”
“You want me to ask”
“No, I don’t”
“Will you ever-”
“You’re crying”
“You too”

Everytime I ask, I really mean it. Everytime you look into my eyes, I can’t control my tears, but so do you. You can’t answer me because you don’t want to hurt me but it actually hurts more when you… never answer…

“Don’t leave me…”

Silence. And that’s how we cried ourself to sleep.

“Dear Fye, will Malilith ever leave me?”
“He won’t”
“Are you lying?”
“I don’t”


This was posted at blue cresent before but since i read it back, i was touched by my OWN honesty towards myself. i couldn't get it back, now.

this was originally written 2 years ago.

Kiri, the mist

mood : tired
song : my heart - 2PM

Title : Kiri
Author : Ila Way!

It has been cold since the last time my eyes were laid on him. It has been hard for me. It has been so lonely in the sea of people. I longed for him yet that’s the only thing that I should stop wishing for. He was long gone and after all this time I always stared at the cold tea, wondering if he’d join me tonight. It was stupid. It was an act of denial. I don’t want to believe that he was gone so I told myself that he was somewhere hidden in this world. I can’t seem to forget him yet I tried so hard to forget the last moments of his life. How cruel is that? I’m being selfish again. For once I regretted being the devil in the family. I live too long. I should have died back then but I didn’t. I fucking didn’t. And there she was with her eyes on me. I knew she hated me so much but I could bring myself to hate her. In fact, I love her and sometimes I thought she is sexy as hell.

But there I was all alone in the dark as she stared at me with her anger filled eyes. I couldn’t say a thing at first until her pale hand reached to my neck and pulled me up almost painfully. I was trying to avoid eye contact with her and that’s when she smacked me so hard I bleed.

“Stop being like this, idiot. Idiot. Idiot. I hate you”

That’s what she said back then with anger. When I didn’t response, she hit me again, this time with her knee up to my stomach. It hurts so much. But it doesn’t hurt as much as losing him. So I kept silenced and averted my eyes, I can’t bear to look her in her eyes. I knew she’s glaring at me but I’d ignore it almost pitifully. Then she brought another hand up to my chin and lifted my face as she demand for an eye contact. I couldn’t comply with her wish. It was hard and I don’t have the guts to. And once again she raised her hands up and a loud slap could be heard.

“I didn’t even know why the hell Malilith would love someone as weak as you. You’re nothing than a trash. You’re not worth it. You’re nothing worth for him! You fucking whore! I hate you more than you could ever imagine and seeing you as pathetic as this makes me angry to the core. Fuck you! I hate you!”

Her anger was filled with despair. She knew she couldn’t have Malilith and she always hated me for the attention I got from him. I don’t know why but hearing she said something like that hurts so much and it feels as if she’s stabbing me continuously. I can’t bear it so tears leaked out of my eyes. It hurts so much. I like her but she hated me and her comment about I’m not worth Malilith’s time hurts big time. She glared at me. I was weak and I cried and she hated it so much. She hated it the most when people cried. She raised her hand again and gave another slap, this time harder than ever before she abruptly released her other hand that was choking me the whole time only that it wasn’t hard enough to actually kill me. I did not register her sudden release and fall onto the cold floor almost loudly. It hurts but I couldn’t get it straight.

She turned around, her breathing in pants. I know she is angry by the way she acted. She walked straight to the door, leaving me in emptiness with myself alone. She didn’t even spare a glance when she said another cruel sentence.

“I resign. Don’t you ever search for me! I fucking resign from here. I can’t see you. You made me sick.”

And that was the last time I saw her back as I cried to myself. I was being a crybaby again and she surely didn’t help. When I look back today, I knew, I actually loved her. And to lose her is something that I really regret until now.

someone to love : Ackroyd Michaelis (Rainbow Thread)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I know I love KHR

1. The word extreme makes you think of Ryohei
2. Every time you hear the word Lamborghini you think of our little cow.
3. Every time you pass by a pineapple, see a pineapple, or even think of one, you instantly think of Mukuro or Chrome.
4. You pay more attention to numbers in real life (i.e. 59, 27, 80, 18, etc.); Whenever you see the numbers, your mind instantly converts them back to character names
5. You have actually found numbers in real life of a Reborn pairing (1869, 8059, etc.)
6. You have at least one Reborn-related item in your room- whether that be a printed out picture, to doujinshi, to plushies and others.
7. Have/thought [about] cosplay[ing/ed] as one of the characters.
8. You try to learn Italian.
9. You start wearing more 'mafia'-like clothing.
10. Almost every single Reborn OP and ED are/is in your ipod/zune/whatever you use.
11. You practically memorized the Namimori anthem
12. You have said 'Kamikorosu' or 'Bite you to death' at least once. (DO NOT DENY THIS) ; You have a sudden urge to say a teacher you'll bite them to death.
13. You remember the characters ク and フ thanks to Mukuro's Kufufu.
14. When you recently buy a new car and you choose a Reborn-related license plate. (I would. lol)
15. You remember your locker combination because it consists of Reborn numbers.
16. You realize that the Reborn numbers is/are part of your phone number[s].
17. When you are reading your history textbook and see Giotto (A realism artist of the 1300s) you keep on thinking he has relationships to the mafia.
18. When you figure out the English-equivalent to Giotto's name (It's Geoffrey, according to the internet.) and laugh. Then go "o_o"
19. Command your friends to do it with their "DYING WILLLLL"
20. Hibird is your ringtone ; Your ringtone comes from the show -- or even worse, a fanvid.
21. You combine food according to reborn pairings.
22. You remember the vocab word "bellicose" only because of Belphegor.
23. When reading books White Fang you start comparing/matching up characters to KHR characters
24. You are bored in class and begin to doodle pineapples and hibirds.
25. If someone tells you to choose a random number you choose one of the character numbers [ 69, 27, etc. ]
26. You begin to use a character's trademark sayings such as "KYOKUGEN!", "Kufufu" etc.
27. Pin up many KHR images/items just to stare at them.
28. Hug your KHR cushion at night? [ or, you want one just for the sake of hugging it... ]
29. If someone mentions 69 you think of Mukuro and not that one...position.
30. Encourage friends who don't know anything related to KHR, to read the manga or watch the anime.
31. Attempted to do the "kufufu" laugh... and failed.
32. Absolutely any mention of Hitman makes you think of Reborn.
33. Any time it rains or threaten to rain, you want to shake a fist at Yamamoto; any kind of weather forecast makes you think of Reborn characters. xD ; whenever the weather forecaster says something, your mind goes to KHR pairings... (example : "today is going to be sunny with a bit cloudy at the afternoon..."
34. You suddenly pay more attention to ANYTHING Italian (including Giada de Laurentiis, Food Network host of Everyday Italian)
35. You pay more attention to cute yellow birds.
36. "Goku" makes you first think of KHR, not Dragonball, not Gensomaden Saiyuki.
37. Any mention of a scanner in your area makes you go, "Spanner? Where? Where?!"
38. You've started a lollipop habit thanks to Spanner.
39. Every time to hit a certain speed limit (18, 27, 50, 80?!?) you have to point it out to anyone in the car.
40. Your friends are pretty much forced to read/watch it in order to stay friends with you since 90% of what you say is a KHR reference.
41. You talk about KHR characters using their number names.
42. If you want to bother someone [ or are bored ] you start singing KHR character songs.
43. You've tried to find KHR fans by wearing pineapple hairstyle, cosplaying, wearing a hibird, etc.
44. You crack KHR jokes and memes to other people, although you're the only one who will get it.
45. You have dreams with KHR characters in it.
46. You have an account (anywhere) that has a username that relates to KHR
47. You learn how to hold tonfas correctly by cosplaying Hibari
48. When you make your personal messages on msn/aim/whatever Italian.
49. You start eating candies and grapes because of Lambo.
50. You forget the cosplayers' names and just call them by who they're cosplaying as. And you still call them by that character, even when they're cosplaying another character.
51. You try to match your favourite food to your fave character's food.
52. You sing their character songs are karaoke.
53. You see Oofuri as an offspring of Namimori's baseball club, orz
54. You laugh when you see a "Tutor Wanted" poster.
55. You're waiting for this list to hit a certain Reborn number. xD
56. Any other anime character/whatever with Byaku in it makes you think of Byakuran.
57. Thinking of the military or looking at any kind of rifle reminds you of Colonello.
58. You catch yourself calling your frog plushie Fantasma.
59. You no longer buy original manga because all your money is spent on Reborn doujinshi.
60. Your cellphone straps are/is your Reborn OTP(s)
61. You want to find out what colour your Dying Will Flame would be. :'D
62. Bothering someone to the extreme by calling them Juudaime.
63. Nearly wear your varia jacket nearly constantly. everywhere you go.
64. You're constantly on the look out for Dying-Will Boxers.
65. You stalk this community. Every day. ; Can't wait to check this community when you get home, always thinking about it at school/work (Refers to the KHR com on LJ. And yes you can find me there)
66. You hear the word "VOIIIII" and think of Squalo immediately.
67. You see eyebrows remotely similar to Genkishi's, then think to yourself "Those eyebrows are against school rules."
68. Go on reborn related sites during school/work hours.
69. Read Reborn manga/doujin during school
70. You spread KHR BL, you give your friend KHR BL doujin.
71. In order to promote KHR, you tell your friends that certain KHR characters look like characters from another series.
72. in the morning, when you wake up, you yell "REBORNNN!"
73. You can't concentrate on reading a text when you see an "X" every time
74. Eating/seeing marshmallows makes me think of Byakuran.
75. When you receive a 27% on assignments/tests -- Your HAPPY! (Same rule applies with other marks.. 18, 69, 59, 80, 100(haha), 96, etc...)
76. The emoticon 'XD' makes your laugh hysterically.
77. You read your 'marks out of' completely differently (Eg: 18/27, 27/59, 69/100, 18/69, etc..)
78. More than 80%(haha) percent of your avatars/images are KHR related... (Okay maybe about 59% xD)
79. You laugh when you find out that "VOI!" is actually an Italian word. Then LAUGH HARDER at it's translation. (Voi = All of you)
80. Think Axel from KH2 is Marmon All Grown Up.
81. You immediately think Arcobaleno when passing by any pacifiers/babies with pacifiers
82. You had a laughing fit when figuring out that "Vongola" means "clam".
83. Believe that the "O RLY" Owl is really 69 in disguise.
84. Have tried to make/have made a functional singing Hibird plushie.
85. When you spend 2 hours coming up and filling out prompts for fanfic, then 6 hours trolling the internet for the ever elusive fanfic with Ryohei inside.
86. You started to mention Pineapple as 'Nappo'
87. You remembered Dr. Shamal when you see mosquito
88. Your desktop/cellphone wallpaper is KHR
89. You tried to create a dance for "Kufufu no Fu"
90. When you heard 'samsara' or 'reincarnation', you suddenly thought about Mukuro
91. You ever played at least 1 KHR game (I WANT TO!!!!!!!)
92. When you wanted to buy a fish, you suddenly thought about Tuna (Tsuna)
93. Seeing Kangaroo made you thought about Ryouhei
94. Seeing rainbow made you remembered the ring guardians
95. You started to like shark because of Squalo.
96. You wanted to have a turtle because of Enzio
97. You thought about Dino Cavallone instead of Dinosaur when you heard someone said 'Dino'
98. You started to call every animals/pets you meet by their names in KHR (Cat=Uri, Turtle=Enzo, Yellow Birds=Hibird,) even though they already have names.
99. You're scared you can't get close to sakura anymore because you got bit by mosquitos.
100. Whenever you meet your friends who're also fans of KHR, you always talk about KHR and gossips about the characters. (I sont have people around who like reborn... sadly)
101. Your notebook is full of KHR doodles, which makes you scolded by teacher. Instead of feeling guilty, you actually tried to spread KHR virus to your teacher.
102. You know that Mammon is a male, but can't help to hope that he is a female because of those seriously adorable fanarts of her/him.
103. You wish you could pull off a Yamamoto when you don't understand something.
104. You can't help but think that Kyoko is Tsuna's long lost twins, because of the similarity of their appearance (and sometimes personality).
105. Bad tasted cooking=Poison cooking, and then you're afraid that you're going to die.
106. You remember many kanji because they're the kanji representing 'Rain' and 'Storm' etc in Japanese ; Sometimes the kanji of characters' names.
107. When you're bored when you were in car, you start to set eyes on car plates, if their plates have KHR's numbers on it.
108. You wish you could steal those plates if you find it.
109. You start to see Mafia in much nicer view. ; You're starting to see the mafia in a more positive light and have considered trying to join.
110. In fact, you think that their bosses are nice and cute like Tsuna or Dino.
111. you want to watch The Godfather if you haven't seen it before.
112. You would practically scream at the top of your lungs when you see a KHR cosplayer or faint, depends
113. When you buy a KHR related object/item/souvenir (taking a figurine for example), you would carry it around with you for the rest of the day, playing with it, hugging it, kissing it, and even going to sleep with it.
114. If you are a boy (or maybe a girl), you would sometimes/often copy the hairstyle of your favourite Reborn! male character ; You take pride in having hair similar to a character's.
115. When you are doing an exercise and you know it that you are tired, you still keep pushing yourself because pushing yourself to the limit reminds you of Ryohei and is EXTREME!!
116. You are all giggly and smiling and happy when one of your friends or anybody else tells you that you are identical to one of the Reborn! characters.
117. You see a rainbow (in the sky, in a t-shirt in the TV, anywhere!) automatically think in the Arcobaleno
118. You greet people by 'Ciaossu'
119. When you're actually planning to get a tattoo of your favourite/s character/s
120. When you write with a permanent maker the numbers of your OTP on your body
121. You ACTUALLY yelled "IT'S OVER 9,000 200,000!!!!!11one"
122. You start using the phrase "EXTREME LIKE DINOSAURS EXPLODING" after reading that awesome Lussuria/Ryouhei fic
123. You actually WAIT for your digital clock to hit a certain time (18:27, 18:48, 18:59 etc) ; When your clock says 18:27 or 18:59 or something like that, you just giggle to yourself.
124. Every time you see someone in a black/grey suit you think of TYL!characters.
125. You want to adopt a hedgehog after chapter 210 of the manga. (HELL YEAH!)
126. You use your fav pairing (5927, 8018, 6918...) as your PIN number.
127. You yell "Reborn!" whenever you're determined to do something.
128. You start wearing your jacket like Hibari does because you think it looks cool.
129. You try to learn how to play the piano or to play baseball. ; You've started to take piano lessons to be more like Gokudera
130. You choose tuna sandwich whenever you order sandwich.
131. When you see purple food, you think that it's Poison Cooking
132. When you look at Chikusa and his tattoo, you are tempted to take him to the store and scan him to see how much he would cost. (LOL)
133. You randomly spout out "VOI - (insert rest of sentence here)" whenever you are bothered by something... or you just feel like being obnoxious.
134. You hear the word "kora!" and you instantly think of Colonello.
135. You start saying kora.
136. You've taken to nicknaming people around you after the character nicknames, ending up with deranged names like 'Lawned Octopus' or 'Owlbird' or even worse 'Pineapplebird-head'
137. You regularly find yourself stalking following people in black suits to see if they lead you to the Mafia. (hahahaha)
138. You quote the characters more than speak yourself.
139. You try to talk to babies like they can understand you.
140.Lizards make you LOL!
141. When you saw the title of "Hibari no Kokoro" by SPITZ (or if you heard of it), you went to download it immediately.
142. You read 'Shark friendly Tsuna sandwich' instead of 'Dolphin friendly tuna sandwich.
143. When someone is about to punch you, you make a rectangle with your index fingers and thumbs, trying to pull off the Zero Point Breakthrough.
144. You wonder if getting your hand chopped off will make you a better swordsman.
145. You really wish creepy music would start playing in the background every time you appear out of nowhere.
146. You have started wearing a tiara, and DAAAAMN does it feels princely~
147. Whenever you go in to the cafeteria in your school, you suspect that the horrible foods were cooked by Bianchi.
148. You go around claiming that you're a prince, even though you're not and you're a girl.
149. Roadkills are definitely an accessory. So are roboclaws and tiaras.
150. You actually try to figure out WHERE exactly Gokudera lives (and you have funny theories about that!)
151. You have gone through the entire manga searching for the brand Gokudera smokes.
152. You excitedly wear the gloves with a giant X on them so you can pretend to be casual-wear Tsuna.
156. Think its destiny that you and particular character share the same birthday, angry when its not your favourite character.
157. You're not sure why, but you have reason to believe Byakuran is actually Longchamp in disguise.
158. You notice you start saying "wao" now. Even if it's used more for "wow" than "weakling".
159. You start learning Kendo because you want to be like Yamamoto.
160. You buy suitable fabric (by asking the shopkeeper to rec. cloth best for suits worn by the mafia), take your reborn manga to the tailor, and begged her to make the exact same suits as seen in manga for you to wear to work.
161. You wear tailored smart-looking suits to work despite only holding a clerical position.
162. You start taking piano lessons and wear suits to them.
163. Someone from the KHR dept spoke to you about not including the word 'extreme' in your emails
164. You start putting in more effort at work so that you can impress your boss
165. You got a part time job as a tutor.
166. You turn up for your tutoring sessions wearing suits (and it scares the sh!t out of your student, his mother tells you)
167. You wear a Vongola ring everyday and everyone knows the significance of it
168. Your work desk has a lot of KHR stuff that you actually use
169. Your boss and colleagues all knows about you and KHR and the mafia etc but does not do anything extreme to stop you because 1. they've given up and 2. you've actually become a more efficient employee because of it
170. Your cellphone looks exactly like Hibari's (and your ringtone is Hibird...) (I WANT ONE!)
171. You suck on a lollipop when things get stressful at work.
172. You greet your friends with "VOOOOIIII!!!" and then laugh like mad.
173. You asked your friend whether it is safe to let her pet turtles go near water (they were swimming!!!) when you visited her house.
174. You made such a ruckus when you saw the number "0859" on the lottery results page that your mom asked you how much did you nearly win
175. You go to a supermarket/minimarket and search for a jam/juice, you automatically search for pineapple flavour even if you don't like it.
176. You feel totally guilty when you have to eat pineapples
177. You started to name you stuffs with KHR names (ie. Owl plushie would be Mukuro.)
178. You memorized Namimori Anthem better than your school anthem
179. Sometimes you see candles as DYNAMITE.
180. You spent more space for KHR stuffs in your Harddisk much more than for your work/project/paper
190. You went EXTREMELY happy when you found SAKURA-FLAVORED Kit-Kat
191. You wish you live in Japan just for the sake of the Doujinshi and Cons.
192. You've set one of your passwords to one of the KHR pairing numbers
193. you started to wonder where Hibari lived and like what are his parents
194. you searched for KHR music sheets/keys so you can play it yourself
195. you memorized well some of KHR characters' lines, even you don't know what the hell is that mean
196. You started to love sushi because of Yamamoto; or else, you're afraid of sushi because of Bianchi
197. you searched for black pyjamas just to match hibari
198. you started to wash your clothes manually like Basil
199. You started to make fanfic/fanart/doujin/amv/stufss that is/are related to KHR
200. You realized that number 38 all the way up there mentioned Spanner. (It's his number to those who forgot.)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

counting the nights

mood : sleepy
song : Eden - Dai

case 1


I think it's probably because I fell in love for Hibari all over again. lol I don't know why but he seems to own me now. xD And yesterday I got a new info about Hibari-san.

Hibari in TYL arc is 205 cm high and he weigh 98 kg.

I was like... O_O OMG! **censored**! HIBARI IS SO **censored**ING TALL!

at first I was really... well, kind of scared hearing that since (I had a huge crush on him) he's so tall and I'm only 153cm... (and I weigh 42 kg)

Then later, I find it sexually appealing. I started to like tall people now. lol


case 2

Ex boyfriend case, again. lol He sent me these.

[From : Megat-kun
To : Malilith Ila

sun= Malilith
cloud= Mukuro

Then.. Who am I to you..? I want to be with you but you refuse.. You said that I am your cloud but it changed.. So I guess you right.. I am not worth for it anymore.. I want to ask you for the last time.. Do you want to be with me or not? Please answer it sincerely. ]

what I did is only smile. YES SMILE, DAMMIT!

First of all,

it's true that Malilith is my SUN. he lighten my darkest lonely hours and he was always there when i needed him, when i wanted him. he never fail to complete me. it was a tough job since i practically have a lot of holes. but he fills me indiscriminately.

but, Mukuro is NOT my CLOUD. he is the mist, the one that moves, appears and disappears without a sound. never to be caught, never to be bound. No, he's not my cloud. you're wrong, Gen-chan. Mukuro to me is my ideal lust. he is sexy as hell and everytime i saw him, my head just screamed SEX! but i don't necessarily love him.

my cloud is the cloud guardian of Vongola Tenth, Hibari Kyouya. He is the CLOUD. I fell in love with him again and again everyday. i know he was a fantasy but no one said that it's wrong to dream. so, yes, i want my own Hibari. and when i found him, i'll love him.

if you're wrong at this part, that means you really don't know me. what can i say anymore? even my not so close friend knew that Hibari is my cloud and not Mukuro. then, ask yourself again. Do you even know me enough to say that you love me?

and for your personal information, Fye is my SKY.

Yes, Mukuro had this very high sex appeal to me. Especially when he's older. lol I'd surrender.

case 3

lately i've been having a really bad sleep quality. i couldn't sleep much. i'm getting sensitive and everytime i woke up, i feel anxious and tired. there's something wrong with me but i don't know what is it.


someone to love : Hibari Kyouya
statement of the day : I think I'm a pedo................ maybe...........

Why? You ask? Because I just saw this chibi Hibari picture and I fell in love with it. Then, I saw Mukuro's chibi picture and I thought... he was... sexy... so... I'm really wondering if I... started to develop... pedo... haha...

Later I read... .......................................................................... a pedo fiction....................... which is... M-Rated...............

I think I should question my sanity again.