hello, blog~

it's passed 2010 so i think i should open up a new book? :]
i'll cast the other post void~ [is this the right word? lol]

even though i reluctantly close down 2010, since i'm leaving my precious '19 years old' ;A;
this year i'll hit 20 which means i'm officially OLD.

NOOOOOO CAN I STAY 19? ;A; OMG IM STILL A BABY I DONT WANNA HIT 20.

i will...
make a list of what happened in 2010 after this, maybe... xD

but all in all...
i'll start updating my blog again?

thanks to Chazz unnie for making me remember that I DO OWN a blog kekeke

don't you think my blog needs a good layout? LOL
but then again, this is the darkest layout i could find *-*
makes my blog looks evil LOL

anyway... i guess since i'm still stubborn, i'll still use a form? when i post keke xD

this, is the form.

mood:
song:
moment of the day:

bla bla bla

statement of the day:
someone to love:

------------------

i think thats all kekekeke

tired of waiting

mood : despair
song : my heart - 2PM

"there's just too much that one could say when he's pressed between his love and his sanity." -Bloodress

my heart ache. though i don't know why.

why? why?
i can't seem to stop loving.

-------------------------

there were parts of me that's screaming and another parts lying.

and which part is screaming? why are you lying?

i'm dwelling into the past again. and i hate myself for being like this.

because sometimes you just couldn't help it. you missed him don't you?

little by little, i tried to stop this overflowing feeling. but i'm losing my sanity.

because you love him too much.

i feel worthless and that's why it just hurt more.

breathe.

-----------------------

i'm stressed, i'm stressed to the core.

i hated waiting yet

it was the thing that i did the most in my life.

pity me, huh?

that's why, i won't wait for anyone anymore.

if you love me, don't make me wait.

because that's one of the thing i DESPISE the most.

-------------------------------

and still, i'm waiting

for you.

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"i'll just cry tomorrow

because i can't do it in front of you." - Ila

---------------------------

i was interested in knowing myself. because i don't know myself worser than you.

----------------------------

look at me.

and tell me that i'm beautiful.

---------------------------

"i'm waiting for someone, to translate my heart." - Ila

-----------------------------

"don't you pity yourself? for crying out like this?" -Alexiel

-------------------------------

i'm missing you. more than i'm missing anyone else.

and the thought of not being able to see you ever again, made it even harder to breathe.

-------------------------------------

"when i first saw you, you were emotionless. then i know, you're broken." - Lex

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"i'd tapped you on your shoulder. just because i want you to know that I care about you." - Camille

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someone please save me

-----------------------------

someone to love : Fye I. Malilith
statement of the day : my heart, is still beating

:: sleepless nights ::

Soft sobs filled the room with absence of laughter. The mood in the air is heavy but gradually it thicken.

"Stop crying," said Malilith.
"But I just.. missed Fye so much.." Ila was sobbing. She just didn't know what to do when she cried like this. And she can't even stop.
"Don't!" Malilith glared at her direction. His face was red. He was angry and this whole crying and missing thing are stressing him up. He is just angry. He didn't want to cry. No, he didn't.

"Malilith, why are you crying?" asked Fye with concern in his eyes.
"I made Ila bleed. I.. I was playing with her.. and I pushed her.. and.. suddenly.. she.. fell.. and she bleeds.. a lot.." sniffed Malilith. He was so scared of what he have done to the girl.
"Where is she?"
"At.. her room.. she.. didn't wake up.. i tried.. to wake her up.. did I.. did i.. just killed her..?" asked Malilith, crying noticeably now.
"It's okay. Lets go and see her now," patted Fye on his head and took him to Ila's room.

"Why can't I? I just missed him too much," sobbed Ila.
"Stop doing this to me! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Ila! You always get the best from him! I hate you! I hate you! I.. hate you..."
"I'm so sorry.."

"Ila, are you okay? You bleed so much. How are you feeling? Are you cold?" asked Fye.
"I'm getting better. Tell Malilith that I love him and it's okay. It wasn't his fault," replied Ila. Fye smiled at the reply and asked Malilith to come in.
"Malilith! Look! I'm okay! I just feel sleepy that time! Don't worry" said Ila, smiling happily. "Really?" asked Malilith. "Yes, really," cut Fye.
"You really scared me, Ila. Ila, I love you. I love you and I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," said Malilith.
"Haha, I know that. and lookie, I can walk now!"

"Malilith, I love you..."
"I hate you. I really do. Now stop.. Please"

sleepless nights
where my tainted blood are denied
and your rejection towards my love
when we have lose it all
i did not ask for it
but sometimes
it just happens
and i'm okay with you blaming me
because this overflowing love
it hurt too much too keep
silently

i concern for your dreams
i'm afraid of your guilt
and when you left
everything felt numb
silently

"Malilith, please don't burden it anymore. Your heart."
"I wish I could"

And after you're gone, each time it's near, the dark air are still there. Chasing the warmth inside. Threatening to kill it with bare hands.

I love you