Friday, January 8, 2010

Kiri, the mist

mood : tired
song : my heart - 2PM

Title : Kiri
Author : Ila Way!

It has been cold since the last time my eyes were laid on him. It has been hard for me. It has been so lonely in the sea of people. I longed for him yet that’s the only thing that I should stop wishing for. He was long gone and after all this time I always stared at the cold tea, wondering if he’d join me tonight. It was stupid. It was an act of denial. I don’t want to believe that he was gone so I told myself that he was somewhere hidden in this world. I can’t seem to forget him yet I tried so hard to forget the last moments of his life. How cruel is that? I’m being selfish again. For once I regretted being the devil in the family. I live too long. I should have died back then but I didn’t. I fucking didn’t. And there she was with her eyes on me. I knew she hated me so much but I could bring myself to hate her. In fact, I love her and sometimes I thought she is sexy as hell.

But there I was all alone in the dark as she stared at me with her anger filled eyes. I couldn’t say a thing at first until her pale hand reached to my neck and pulled me up almost painfully. I was trying to avoid eye contact with her and that’s when she smacked me so hard I bleed.

“Stop being like this, idiot. Idiot. Idiot. I hate you”

That’s what she said back then with anger. When I didn’t response, she hit me again, this time with her knee up to my stomach. It hurts so much. But it doesn’t hurt as much as losing him. So I kept silenced and averted my eyes, I can’t bear to look her in her eyes. I knew she’s glaring at me but I’d ignore it almost pitifully. Then she brought another hand up to my chin and lifted my face as she demand for an eye contact. I couldn’t comply with her wish. It was hard and I don’t have the guts to. And once again she raised her hands up and a loud slap could be heard.

“I didn’t even know why the hell Malilith would love someone as weak as you. You’re nothing than a trash. You’re not worth it. You’re nothing worth for him! You fucking whore! I hate you more than you could ever imagine and seeing you as pathetic as this makes me angry to the core. Fuck you! I hate you!”

Her anger was filled with despair. She knew she couldn’t have Malilith and she always hated me for the attention I got from him. I don’t know why but hearing she said something like that hurts so much and it feels as if she’s stabbing me continuously. I can’t bear it so tears leaked out of my eyes. It hurts so much. I like her but she hated me and her comment about I’m not worth Malilith’s time hurts big time. She glared at me. I was weak and I cried and she hated it so much. She hated it the most when people cried. She raised her hand again and gave another slap, this time harder than ever before she abruptly released her other hand that was choking me the whole time only that it wasn’t hard enough to actually kill me. I did not register her sudden release and fall onto the cold floor almost loudly. It hurts but I couldn’t get it straight.

She turned around, her breathing in pants. I know she is angry by the way she acted. She walked straight to the door, leaving me in emptiness with myself alone. She didn’t even spare a glance when she said another cruel sentence.

“I resign. Don’t you ever search for me! I fucking resign from here. I can’t see you. You made me sick.”

And that was the last time I saw her back as I cried to myself. I was being a crybaby again and she surely didn’t help. When I look back today, I knew, I actually loved her. And to lose her is something that I really regret until now.

someone to love : Ackroyd Michaelis (Rainbow Thread)

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