now and me and this is

I am jealous of them
those who are smart
and i have let down hope

i wish
i could join them when they had dinner together that time
i could taste their cookings
i could be smarter
i am not left alone anymore
i could hide my feelings from them since they are always keeping distance when i do
i am not afraid to be alone
i could be their best friend
i'm not this pathetic
i'm not this poor
i could always go out with them
i didn't ask Malilith to lend me money coz I feel so guilty
I am rich enough to join them

I know that you love someone,
but that someone isn't me
it isn't me