flightless sky

so i thought that i've changed
and i do completely
maybe on the outside
but i'm not thinking like who i was before
i can't even write as good as before
i think probably i'll be needing a break after this semester ends

and i'd like to write fanfic again

i just read my old post about me Malilith and Fye
i feel like crying

my feelings at that time are so deep
and now it's slowly fading
but i just don't wanna let it go
i'm afraid of letting go

i suck at this
i got bad results and i'm sure guilty as hell
i promised Malilith to be the one he would be
fuck I didn't even do good in Malaysian Studies
and my biology is just nightmare
i feel like crying

Malaysian Studies - B-
Biology - D

where am i going now?
i need guidance

Malilith,
if you were to see this
i think know you'd slap me hard
i know you care too much
now i feel so guilty
i wish i could be as smart as Fye

so leave me be
i'll try to improve
more
more
more
more and
more

SAY IT

when i saw you in your weakened state
i thought i'd cry
but you smiled instead
in front of me

listening to : Madina Lake - Here I Stand

My hands shake 'cause today,
I know you're gonna break my heart and,
My life without you in it
Is a life that's not worth living.
I'll be strong but I wish I was someone else,
Anyone but me, tonight.

Here I stand (Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me.

So I'll start to pretend I'm ok
But you should know by now that
My life is smoke and mirrors,
One thing is crystal clear
That I'm the one wishing I was someone else,
Anyone but me tonight.

Here I stand (Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me.

(Where do we go?) (Where do we go?)

Inside I start to fall apart. (Where do we go?)
And I'll pretend I'm holding on (Where do we go?)
I guess I'll bleed in silence.(In silence)
I guess I'll bleed in silence.

Here I stand (Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me.

(Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me

that's how i feel now

love, Malilith Ila