Goodbye, Megat

Yesterday I talked to him again, my ex and he was telling me all this kind of stuff (that looks cool to him) to me and well, I was listening until he said something about he doesn't care to lose friends, especially his GIRL friends (he doesn't want to be friends with girls who already have boyfriends). And being a sensitive person I was (at that time) I said, "Well then, bye." He asked, "Why? You have a boyfriend?" I smiled and I lied to him, "Yes."

At first he was quiet a bit then he asked, "Who is it?"

Not knowing what to say and what to do (I was thinking about Serizawa that time and I have this urge to tell him that it's Serizawa but thinking that by saying that I'd blow my cover by saying his name I didn't do it) after a long pause, I said, "It's a secret."

And him being him, he paused for a minute. I did the same as a smile creeps over my feature. Then he said, "Well then, I'm going now. Bye." I replied him with an okay before he hung up. Later, he gave me a message, "I swear to GOD that I will never bother you again." And to be honest, I didn't expect that. To be honest I feel a bit hurt with that. Yeah, I'm nothing to him after all this time he said HE LOVED ME? Yeah, bye. I thought of telling him that I lied but my pride doesn't allow me and that night I sleep with my cellphone near me. For what? I don't even know.

All in all, here what I'm gonna say is, "Goodbye, Megat. I loved you as lover before and friend after we broke up but now you didn't even want me as a friend. Yeah, sorry for everything. Sorry for all the lies I've told. Sorry for being there for you and lastly, sorry for loving you. Goodbye again and good night."

Statement of the day :
I feel like a bitch... and I love it.

Because I hurt people so much and that hurts me I start to wonder if I actually like to hurt people or myself. I don't know.