Loving you like this

my heart breaks when i see you
my tears streams when you're with her
i don't know how you make me like this
but loving you just... hurts

in my lonely night, my tears are screaming out your name
slowly, just slowly my heart breaks
slowly, deeply hurting my sanity
why can't i stop loving?
why can't i stop crying?

why can't i see? we weren't meant to be?
why can't i stop hoping, wishing that we could, someday
love each other, laugh together, cry together?

everyday of the week, i keep on holding
to my slightest fantasy, where we were together
you and me, like we belong together
but we don't and my fantasy shatters
like broken pieces, glasses falling apart

HEART ATTACK!!!!!!

Ah~ Though not many knew this but I DID went to an audition for Mentor (aired on TV3). And I went to Joe Flizzow's audition. I wasn't accepted though, he told me that I wasn't ready.

So, like yesterday or so, I thought I'd send him an email via his HR department (for his record company, Cartel Record, aight?) I was being really brave in the act, since I was very scared. *Sigh* I don't know, truly, little hopes fires me up. And I was thinking about it like how Taeyang got into YG. I mean, I wanted to be like him, trained and produced by the company but after I sent it, I just thought that... It kinda sound ridiculous. And so, I think, ah~ I have no chance. But yeah, I swear to myself to not regret any of it. I think I could try the other way if this didn't work out. *long sigh*

AHHHHHHHH~~~~~~ *a long desperate scream*

And man, I got a reply today and I'm so scared to read it. ;-; It will probably be something like...

1. I'm so sorry but we don't know you.
2. I'm sorry but we have to reject you.
3. Practice more and sent us details and your demo.
4. We're not taking unknown artist like you.
5. Have you lost your mind?
6. Ha ha ha, are you kidding me?

;-; Man, you should just listen to my heartbeat. I wish they would just forget me. ;-; Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~ *cries like a kid*

WOOYOUNG-IE OPPA!!!!!!!! I'M SO SORRY I HAVE FAILED YOU!!!!!!

--------------
here's their reply
---------------

Dear Nur Nabilah Rosli,

Thank you for your email. We will forward this email to Joe and David of Kartel Records.

Our department is in charge of discovering and managing talents and we will be reviewing your request to audition.

You will be hearing from us shortly.

Best regards,
A&R Department
Kartel Records Sdn. Bhd.

-----------------

so.. I'll wait.

MNET Super 100 Idols

;]

1 – Big bang, Kwon Jiyong

16 – DBSK, Hero Jaejoong

17 – 2PM, Nichkhun

21 – 2AM, Jo Kwon

29 – SHINee Minho

36 – 2PM, Chansung

53 – 2PM, TaecYeon

63 – H.O.T., Moon Heejun

80 – 2PM Jaebeom

87 – F.T.Island, Choi Minhwan

Ila says, "I'm proud of you guys who made it. ^^ But I was sad that there was no other 2PM members to be seen. If the hottest didnt become antist, they would have been on the top. I know that."

from, MNET Super 100 Idols:

1 – Big bang, Kwon Jiyong
2 – Wonder Girls, Sohee
3 – DBSK, Xiah junsu
4 – Big Bang, TOP
5 – DBSK, U-Know Yunho
6 – SS501, Kim Hyunjoong
7 – Fin.K.L, Lee Hyori
8 – SNSD, Taeyeon
9 – H.O.T, Jang Woohyuk
10 – DBSK, Micky Yoochun
11 – Big Bang, Daesung
12 – SES, Yoojin
13 – Shinhwa, Eric
14 – Wonder Girls, Sunye
15 – Big Bang, Taeyang
16 – DBSK, Hero Jaejoong
17 – 2PM, Nichkhun
18 – Fin.K.L, Sung Yuri
19 – Shinee, Taemin
20 – Super Junior, Eunhyuk
21 – 2AM, Jo Kwon
22 – SNSD, Yoona
23 – G.O.D, Yoon Gyesang
24 – FT Island, Lee Hongki
25 – Sechs Kies, Eun Jiwon
26 – Dbsk, Changmin
27 – H.O.T., KangTa
28 – Wonder Girls, Sunmi
29 – SHINee Minho
30 – KARA, Han Seung Yeon
31 – Bigbang, Seungri
32 – Super Junior, Heechul
33 – H.O.T., Tony An
34 – Shinhwa, Andy
35 – Se7en
36 – 2PM, Chansung
37 – Super Junior, Shindong
38 – SS501, Kim Kyujong
39 – Wonder Girls, Yoobin
40 – SNSD, Tiffany
41 – SHINee, Onew
42 – Super Junior KangIn
43 – Wonder Girls, Yeeun
44 – F.T.Island, Choi Jong Hun
45 – Sugar, Ayumi
46 – Shinhwa, Kim Dongwan
47 – Buzz, Min Kyunghoon
48 – CSJH, Stephanie
49 – Super Junior Siwon
50 – Sechs Kies, Go Ji-Yong
51 – Jung Jihoon (Rain)
52 – S.E.S, Bada
53 – 2PM, TaecYeon
54 – KARA, Goo HaRa
55 – Super Junior Sungmin
56 – SS501, Kim Hyung Joon
57 – 1TYM, Danny
58 – Super Junior Eeteuk
59 – SHINee, Jonghyun
60 – G.O.D, Son HoYoung
61 – SNSD, Seohyun
62 – Shinhwa, Junjin
63 – H.O.T., Moon Heejun
64 – Shinhwa, Shin Hyesung
65 – Click B, Oh, JongHyeok
66 – SNSD, Yuri
67 – Super Junior, Hangyeong
68 – Sechs Kies, Jang Suwon
69 – CSJH, Dana
70 – Super Junior, Kibeom
71 – FIN.K.L, Leejin
72 – Taesaja, Park Junsook
73 – NRG, Moon Seonghun
74 – Baby Vox, Kan Miyeon
75 – Click B, Kim Sanghyuk
76 – SS501, Heo Young Saeng
77 – FIN.K.L, Ok Juhyeon
78 – G.O.D, Denian
79 – Ttma, Soy
80 – 2PM Jaebeom
81 – SHINee, KEY
82 – Sugar, Park Sujin
83 – NRG, No Yumin
84 – 1TYM, Oh Jinhwan
85 – SNSD, Jessica
86 – Shinhwa, Lee Min Woo
87 – F.T.Island, Choi Minhwan
88 – Click B, Yoo Hosook
89 – Super Junior, Donghae
90 – Baby Vox, Shim EunJin
91 – Buzz, Son SungHee
92 – Supernova ,Geonil
93 – Taesaja, Kim hyungjun
94 – SNSD, Sooyoung
95 – Choi Changmin
96 – Milk, Seo Hyunjin
97 – Battle, Hwichan
98 – The TRAX, Jay Kim
99 -Sechs Kies, Kang Aunghoon
100 – Baby Vox Yoon Eunhye


credit:Allkpop.

me

I dont know if I can do this
But I'll do it confidently

I dont know if I'll ever get it through
But I'll do it confidently

Because confidence is all I have
and my cheerful personality

Mya my wish come true this time

2PM LISTEN TO ME!!! maybe.. ^^"

written by : Moon Ila
at : 28th February 2010

Even if I wish that all of it were lies
So that I could sleep with sparkling hopes
But it’s reality that I couldn’t change
And all I have to do is to live with it

It wasn’t your fault everything turn out to be like this
It wasn’t his, their or anybody’s fault either
We have our reasons, though we couldn’t understand each other fully
This side will help you through
What they called as the thundering storms

What I couldn’t tolerate is the tears that rains
From what they called as despair and dying hopes

Your love, it wouldn’t stop hurting
Your heart, too far, I couldn’t touch it

I want you to always know
That no matter what I’m always there for you
Whether it’s right or wrong
You will never walk this world alone

What we couldn’t tolerate is the despair that fell
On you, on me, on everybody as it’s hurting

Your eyes, it wouldn’t stop hurting
Your pain, I couldn’t do anything to ease it

If you’re near, I’d ask us to hold hands
We’ll get through this and get our smile back
Together we stand, divided we’ll fall
Together we’ll break this through

We’ll never stop believing
What miracles could pull through
This time, it’s not you, it’s not me, it’s not him, it’s not her
It’s us, so strengthen these bonds, don’t break it apart
Even if it’s as thin as the invisible string

2PM,

I don’t know how you guys are feeling right now, since I’m nowhere to understand your well masked feelings. Though I know it must be hurting since everybody was hurt and that includes me as well. This almost sudden turn of events created a huge thundering storm and storms damaged almost everything, cruelly, without mercy even to those who thought they prepared well for what’s coming. To be honest, the day before the press conference, I already cried, knowing that nothing will change and my hope will be broken. But those tears that fell, wasn’t only for Jay-oppa but for you guys as well. Our circle was very worried about you guys and how the press will go especially Wooyoung-oppa and Chansung-oppa. And even when you guys were on the conference, I was anxious, I really wanted to know what happened and if everything went well over there. But since I was so far away, I’m just an outsider, even if I call myself as MyHottest.

This whole thing still shocked me though, the next day, when I read those articles. It’s heartbreaking and I cried at the cyber café, embarrassing myself. I might be overreacting, and you guys might think that I’m childish but I couldn’t lie to myself that time so I cried. I cried because Jay-oppa isn’t returning and I cried when I thought of how hard it must be on you guys with those fans turning to anti-fans and all.

I couldn’t blame anybody but your entertainment company but let’s just call that as a selfish blaming since I’m not the one to blame anybody since I know just a little about the truth. I understand that you guys made your decisions, according to what I read from the articles. And I understand that you guys said that it was impossible for him to return as 2PM because of his personal mistakes. Though everybody was curious on what he did but I understand that I shouldn’t pry too much on it. You guys were protecting him, right?

Stay strong, that’s what I wanted to say for now. Know that no matter what, there were still fans like me out there that will always support you guys. Let’s just wish that time will wash away this overwhelming anger, sadness, and the despair of the fans. Everything will get better and please stay healthy so that we could smile together again.

And now I’m going to write personal message to you guys. I hope you guys know that you guys still own a lot of love from your hottest.

Junsu-oppa,

I personally really like you that I and my sister fought for you, in a childish manner. Then we agreed to share you. It’s funny but that happens when you fangirl over someone. Both of us loves you and adores you in so many ways it’s sad to think that you’re sad and was hurt. The fans posted the picture of you and that girl that was thought to be your girlfriend though you denied. Don’t worry, we will always love you since we knew that you love to love someone. It’s just normal that you have a girl, right?

Taecyeon-oppa,

You’re my number one since I love you the most in the band even though I love the other members too. I don’t know how did you feel when the fans wrote mean things like getting rid of you from variety shows and such but it must be hurting, right? I feel sorry for you and I wish you would always stay strong and move on, walk on confidently, remembering that there were still fans that would love to see you and there are still us that love you no matter what. Please bear in mind that you’re not in this alone, okay?

Nickhun-oppa,

You’re my sister’s number one so I think I have more of your photos compared to the others. And we love you so much that we thought of going to Thailand when you went there last Valentine. You have a very large fanbase so I’m not that worried about you but still, I want to tell you that we love you and the others too. This thing will pass on, even though it look bad right now. You will pull this through, you have a lot of love, you already know that, right?

Wooyoung-oppa,

You’re like the cutest one in the bunch. If you guys were real bunnies then you’d be the cutest bunny ever. Fans were really worried if you’d cry and that just shows how much we really love you. The some of the fans posted pictures of you looking intoxicated with Seulong and the sexy girls to show that they care about 2PM no more. But I hope you know that there are still fans that will always love you and support you no matter what. It’s a normal thing for 20er boys to be like that, right?

Junho-oppa,

I don’t know what Jay-oppa did that makes you and the others hate him for some time. I was shocked when I heard that but then was relieved that you said that you already forgive him. Junho-oppa, I know you’re strong but even if you’re strong, there’s a limit to it, right? We know that you’re really hardworking and you are hurt a lot so we are also very worried about you when things came out to be like this. I’m really sorry to stay this but please stay strong. I hope it wasn’t too much for you to handle and I want to tell you that we love your smiling eyes and we wish that you’d smile happily again. Oppa, we love you no matter what and we will wait for your honest smile!

Chansung-oppa,

You’re one of the cutest maknae I ever seen since you’re one of a kind maknae that kills the fans with your sexiness overload. I was told that you’re actually sensitive and because of that the fans are really worried about you as well. They are worried on how you would feel, how hard everything is going on for you and everything. It was kind of funny seeing some of the fans posted your pictures drinking. I know it was wrong since you’re underage but you’re not the only one in the world that did that. You’re just a little naughty and was caught so I hope you know that we don’t care about that. We will always love you. Don’t drink too much, okay?

The hottest are now split into two, the boycotting team that will not support 2PM without Jay and the supporting team that still support 2PM and does not boycott. I hope you don’t hate the boycotting team since they have their own reasons on why they became like that. I’m on the supporting team but I understand why there is boycotting team. They just wanted Jay back, as much as we, the supporting team wanted him back too. Since we don’t know what he did and everything, most of us still believe in miracle and wish that he’s come back, even though you guys said that it was impossible.

The boycotting team has points that we ourselves couldn’t deny and some of them are really drastic that they attacked the supporting team too. We hope that you guys know that we the supporting team protected you and you’re into this alone. There were fights in MyHottest and it is sad that our leader also resigned because of it. They were blaming her for being in charge of ordering your albums and such. But still we will always be on 2PM’s side.

I don’t really know why I wrote this since the chance of you guys reading it is so slim. But still, 2PM, FIGHTING! We will always wait for the hottest time of the day. WE LOVE YOU! And even though you might hate to hear this but, we will always wait for Park Jaebeom to come back.


-----------

ah, when i read this back, im really a child.. ^^" but thats how i really feel that time. I LOVE YOU 2PM!