Voices of My Heart

Voices of My Heart

Those words that escaped me
Those words that you ignored
Before I could really convince you
That those were true
You left, leaving regrets

I couldn't do a thing, I couldn't even let my voice out
All I could do was only watch you
Walking away, leaving regrets

My heart called out to you, crying out
My voiceless scream echoes, it waves
When there's nothing left anymore
I wait for you, waiting for you

Those words that you looked away from, I love you...
Those words that I choked to say
There was no chance in convincing you
You don't share the same feelings
You left, leaving regrets

I couldn't do a thing, I couldn't even let my voice out
All I could do was only watch you
Walking away, leaving regrets

My heart called out to you, crying out
My voiceless scream echoes, it waves
When there's nothing left anymore
I wait for you, waiting for you

I couldn't really sleep
When my feet touched the floor, I cried
Remembering your fading back
What was left was your remaining shadows
I can't really breathe, my chest tightened
Walking away, leaving regrets

I screamed out to the dark nothingness again
Because I know you couldn't hear me
No matter how hard I try
I close my eyes, picturing your smiles
Whishing these memories would stay
Because you left, father away
I sat there, holding my own hand, holding on
Wishing that we might meet again someday

My heart called out to you, crying out
My voiceless scream echoes, it waves
When there's nothing left anymore
I wait for you, waiting for you

I waited, for the whole day
Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years
You might walk here again
We might meet again
I waited for you

By: Malilith F. Ila

Inspired by Voice of My Heart by Infinite, I changed it to my own version, my own situation.

This secret

This secret

Secretly I wished you'd stay again
Even when the hope almost vanished
Living in this situation
I'm used to it already
You, breaking my heart day by day
My falling tears

Your words, are sweet, like candy
They are venomed with lies
You said, you'd stay
But you went away
Like a fool I believed in you again and again
This secret, I keep them to myself

I don't even know how long this heart
Could continue holding it in
Our predictable story
Happens yet again
As time flies by, I stayed by your side
I still, wish you'd keep your promises (this secret)
Like an idiot, I waited and waited (I keep them)
This waiting shakes me deep inside
This secret, I keep them to myself

I know, I know, I still smiled
I don't know, if you knew
How much I trusted you
You keep on asking me to believe in you
I do, yes, I do (yet I'm being lied again)

Your words, are sweet, like candy
They are venomed with lies
You said, you'd stay
But you went away
Like a fool I believed in you again and again
This secret, I keep them to myself

One day, when my heart died on you
Don't you ask why
You should know, girl

You said you're sorry
But your action continues
It loses its meaning (you keep repeating)
The same predictable story again
I can only pray you'd stay

Your words, are sweet, like candy
They are venomed with lies
You said, you'd stay
But you went away
Like a fool I believed in you again and again
This secret, I keep them to myself

I want to cry (girl, these tears fell because of you)
I'm broken (girl, you're breaking this heart)
I lost my pride (girl, you're not playing fair)

By: Malilith F. Ila

I don't even know. This best describe how I feel right now. I'm probably the biggest idiot around. I trusted too much. To whom this is directed to, I still, still like your regular idiot, wished that you'd one day, keep your promises. Or maybe we'll just see one day when this heart really died on you, my hidden tears, my broken pride, you'll responsible for them all.

back pain and my neck... ;-;

mood: hurt
song: MBLAQ - Stay
moment of the day: freaking happy mood changes drastically to freaking sad and hurt after seeing that Heechul is back to losing at ZE:A Survivor.

Case 1:

I honestly freaking hate my dad just few hours ago. I have been waiting fro him ever since like my class ended which is at 2PM [2PM BABY! The hottest time of the day!] and he was supposed to pick me up at 5. I was freakin tired, running around for registration, helping my friend and stuff and I swear to God that my shoulders was about to fall carrying the laptop around, ahh my body was really sore and I was really hot. ;A; And after 5.30 I texted him, asking, "Dad, where are you? It's tiring waiting here." and he just replied, "6.30" I was WTF at the moment because he always get mad at me if I was late 5 seconds from the promised time and now he... 1 fucking hours more? WTH. Seriously, I wanna kill him that time. It just added my hatred to him. ;-;

I might be overreacting though. But really, the sweat, the sore body and the waiting just kills me.

Case 2:

M'kay, I've been wanting to make ZE:A a calender ever since the awesome September incident that is ZE:A coming to Malaysia wehee~ but sadly [just a little sad] that they just had to come on the 2nd day of Hari Raya. Because of that, not many ZE:A'S can pass from the celebration to meet them. And so, I just thought that ZE:A need a Malaysian calender so that they can properly arrange their next fanmeet or concert [oh how I wish]. I honestly have been keeping my eyes on one of the most awesome Graphic Designer I ever met, which is Chazz unnie to help me to design the calender, just in case if I really want to make them. xD Yes, that's just how high I look up on your design, Chazz unnie :3

So, I was wondering like a tired, lost, hurt little kitten [I originally write puppy but since Chul like cats... uhh...], waiting for my dad to pick me up I just happen to saw this awesome thing. But it was kind of expensive and I'm broke buying all the albums and ZE:A's calender and clothes. ;A; But ahh, how I wish I could buy it. I was so... hesitating and I decided to leave before I really buy it. But really, this things is awesome because I have no idea on how to make a calender. It's simple I know but I don't know where can I actually punch it and out the ring, compiling everything up to make it a calender. Anyway, here's the thing;


Don't you think it's cute? I'd be a perfect Malaysian calender gift from us, Malaysian ZE:A'S.

Case 3:

I don't know. I think I should start FBing again. To promote the project. I need more participants. I was scared of FB. I know this might sound stupid, but I am. Don't ask why, because I don't really have a right reason. :[

Case 4:

Just learnt about leadership today. And I noticed that I'm that of 'Club Country' leader style. /sigh
It isn't so good. I'm trying my best to become a good 'Team Leader' and not 'Autocratic' or uhh.. what's the last? lmao I can't even remember coz it sucks the most lmao.

But how do I become a good leader?

Case 5:

SPAZZING TIME!!! YEY I GOT A GOOD NEWS TODAY! THE RETARDED YESASIA FINALLY POST MY/OUR LOVE LETTER ALBUM TODAY! OH MY GOD YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM RIGHT NOW!!! :DDDDD Okay, so, a week or less to get it in my hands. OH YEAH! UH UH OH YEAH~ I'M FEELING GOOD~ OH YEAH! YEAH YEAH, OH YEAH YEAH YEAH! I love you, Joon~ :3 Even if I never really listen to MBLAQ or have any desire to buy your album. Okay, I just love you :] And Cheondung too :D Then Mir, then GO. Lastly Seungho. <3 /no, i dont love the last two boys

I happy. Really. Now my head is off one thing. Worrying about the damn album. And now I can rest happily without thinking of being so freaking late [because of me, my credit card and yesasia] for the album and feeling freaking guilty to Race, Szen, Chazz unnie, and Mira.

OH YEAH~

Case 6:

I just bought some cool stuff. Or so, I think it's cool. xD Cool clothing for winter. Yes, I know, Malaysia doesn't have winter at all but I just want a set of winter outfit just because I'm a diva like that. xD Mkay. Tomorrow I'll take lotsa pictures and post it on everywhere. It has been a while since I take any picture. So yeah, tomorrow is the photoshoot! for photo update :3 ngggggg yeyyyyy~

Case 7:

Mmmm yeah. The drawing I was supposed to make for Chul, I mean chibi Chul is... in KIV lmao. Okay, it's done but only the sketching xD I thought of posting the sketching here but oh well, no, no teaser xD

LA LA LA LA LA~ Today is a happy but tiring day~ :3 No. I'm only happy after I arrived home, so uhm, yeah~ Happy evening day :3

statement of the day: I kinda hate online shopping now.
someone to love: Jung Heechul
word of the day: murasaki - purple

THEN THE MOOD HAS CHANGED TOTALLY TO FREAKING DEPRESSED SEEING CHUL IS LOSING AT THE GAME THING. i know im crazy. its just that i only wanted this round for him. i swear to GOD that i will give the others the chance to win after this.

;-; this is heart breaking but i will fight.

i feel like buying Chaerin a gift for supporting me in my fight to win Heechul. and the other who's cutting his points... =[ im just... hurt. <--- selfish bastard's self rant that proves to be asking a direct slap to the cheek from Heechul's sexy/abusive hand.

/gets slapped by Heechul

;A; /cries

/Chul glares

;A; /keep on crying

/Chul slapped again

/slapped him back and cried

/gets slapped again

/hugs Chul

/gets pushed

you see, its the never ending life of being rejected. /in your imagination


Heechul is clearly not amused. at all.

HAPPY ZE:ANNIVERSAY, everybody~

mood: anxious
song: ZE:A - Mazeltov
moment of the day: confusing myself on learning how to edit picture

Case 1:

I still can't believe I'm turning 20 this year. I know that some people are probably annoyed to hell hearing this again but I just still can't believe it. It takes only a year to turn 19 to 20, but the feeling of turning 20 is so big to me. Maybe that's because I just... well, I'm afraid of being an adult. I liked my teen age no matter how much I said I hated it. Seeing myself as a 20 year old freaks me out. Even now, looking into the mirror feels so different. I don't know, it just give me a different vibe when I see myself. But then again, that's just me, afraid of the other me.


Didn't I look old now?
It's me, at the car park after attending a dinner.

Case 2:



xD Okay, this is cute :3
Not really cute since it's from Seoyoon lmao but still~ It's cute coz it represents my 3 top biases in ZE:A xD hehe
She said it was for my belated birthday but why does Taera get it too then? >[ I am so not accepting it as a belated birthday gift. But I'll take it as a leisure gift haha!
The picture pasted are old pictures of them haha It makes me laugh xD
But hey, it's still Chul, Shik and Kev's pic :3

Jung Heechul, once again, PLEASE MARRY ME :D

Case 3:

No, I'm not going to the Organ Recital ;A; ahhhh
My fault, really. First, the transport. Then, the uncertainty of the two kids whether they can go or not. Then, me not really sure how to book. Last, me booking too late Dx Ah, I suck. Literally. I really wanna go though. /pouts
I hope Chazz unnie and the others enjoy it :3
Maybe this is karma for laughing at Taera for not being able to go? Dx ahh, idk.

Case 4:

HAPPY ZE:ANNIVERSARY!
I know, I say this alot but hey, ZE:A is so important to my life, you have no idea. haha
I feel bad for not being that excited for Junsu's birthday though. Maybe because Junsu have so many love. /no. that's probably just an excuse

But yes, ZE:A, thanks for being in my life. My life are even more wonderful after you guys came :3
I have no idea why you guys are so important. So I'll just claim this as a true love! haha
Ah, I have so many things to say when it's about ZE:A. So, I'll refrain myself from making a 256732182434567839201 words essay xD


Food. And wishes for ZE:A.

RANT RANT RANT RANT WHY DO I LIKE COMPILING MY RANT? lmao
Good night~ and HAPPY ZE:ANNIVERSARY again!~



statement of the day: I honestly think Heechul is actually like me.
someone to love: Hibari Kyoya
word of the day: 모든 - all
--------------------------------
Updated the form? lol

mood:
song:
moment of the day:

bla bla bla

statement of the day:
someone to love:
word of the day:

post one after the new year post

mood: sleepy
song: BDSK - Keep Your Heads Down
moment of the day: Sleeping on my parents bed shamelessly while waiting for my sister to finish her work.

Today, I read a JunWoo fic just because of this --> 'Mr-spoilt-rich-brat-from-jeju' xD My friend was tweeting it and I told her that really suit Chullie so she told that it's a fic and she gave me the link LOLOLOL The JunWoo was cute as hell but still, 'Mr-spoilt-rich-brat-from-jeju' xD OMG CRACKED ME I LOVE IT xD

And and and... I started reading Katekyo Hitman Reborn again. HIBARI, WHY ARE SOOOOO TEMPTING LIKE SO FREAKING AWESOME, SEXY AND ALL OF THAT SHIT JUST CAN NEVER BEAT YOU COZ YOU'RE LIKE SUPER AWESOME BUT YOU'RE NOT PERFECT MEANING THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY BE PERFECT BUT YOU'RE A PREFECT?
somebody need to restrain my love over that boy Dx it's getting uncontrollable like loving Heechul. sheesh


No No No Hibari, please don't bite me to death *-*


I can't... resist...

statement of the day: Work is NOT done Dx
someone to love: Jung Heechul
word of the day: 절대적인 - absolute

hello, blog~

it's passed 2010 so i think i should open up a new book? :]
i'll cast the other post void~ [is this the right word? lol]

even though i reluctantly close down 2010, since i'm leaving my precious '19 years old' ;A;
this year i'll hit 20 which means i'm officially OLD.

NOOOOOO CAN I STAY 19? ;A; OMG IM STILL A BABY I DONT WANNA HIT 20.

i will...
make a list of what happened in 2010 after this, maybe... xD

but all in all...
i'll start updating my blog again?

thanks to Chazz unnie for making me remember that I DO OWN a blog kekeke

don't you think my blog needs a good layout? LOL
but then again, this is the darkest layout i could find *-*
makes my blog looks evil LOL

anyway... i guess since i'm still stubborn, i'll still use a form? when i post keke xD

this, is the form.

mood:
song:
moment of the day:

bla bla bla

statement of the day:
someone to love:

------------------

i think thats all kekekeke

Loving you like this

my heart breaks when i see you
my tears streams when you're with her
i don't know how you make me like this
but loving you just... hurts

in my lonely night, my tears are screaming out your name
slowly, just slowly my heart breaks
slowly, deeply hurting my sanity
why can't i stop loving?
why can't i stop crying?

why can't i see? we weren't meant to be?
why can't i stop hoping, wishing that we could, someday
love each other, laugh together, cry together?

everyday of the week, i keep on holding
to my slightest fantasy, where we were together
you and me, like we belong together
but we don't and my fantasy shatters
like broken pieces, glasses falling apart

HEART ATTACK!!!!!!

Ah~ Though not many knew this but I DID went to an audition for Mentor (aired on TV3). And I went to Joe Flizzow's audition. I wasn't accepted though, he told me that I wasn't ready.

So, like yesterday or so, I thought I'd send him an email via his HR department (for his record company, Cartel Record, aight?) I was being really brave in the act, since I was very scared. *Sigh* I don't know, truly, little hopes fires me up. And I was thinking about it like how Taeyang got into YG. I mean, I wanted to be like him, trained and produced by the company but after I sent it, I just thought that... It kinda sound ridiculous. And so, I think, ah~ I have no chance. But yeah, I swear to myself to not regret any of it. I think I could try the other way if this didn't work out. *long sigh*

AHHHHHHHH~~~~~~ *a long desperate scream*

And man, I got a reply today and I'm so scared to read it. ;-; It will probably be something like...

1. I'm so sorry but we don't know you.
2. I'm sorry but we have to reject you.
3. Practice more and sent us details and your demo.
4. We're not taking unknown artist like you.
5. Have you lost your mind?
6. Ha ha ha, are you kidding me?

;-; Man, you should just listen to my heartbeat. I wish they would just forget me. ;-; Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~ *cries like a kid*

WOOYOUNG-IE OPPA!!!!!!!! I'M SO SORRY I HAVE FAILED YOU!!!!!!

--------------
here's their reply
---------------

Dear Nur Nabilah Rosli,

Thank you for your email. We will forward this email to Joe and David of Kartel Records.

Our department is in charge of discovering and managing talents and we will be reviewing your request to audition.

You will be hearing from us shortly.

Best regards,
A&R Department
Kartel Records Sdn. Bhd.

-----------------

so.. I'll wait.

me

I dont know if I can do this
But I'll do it confidently

I dont know if I'll ever get it through
But I'll do it confidently

Because confidence is all I have
and my cheerful personality

Mya my wish come true this time

2PM LISTEN TO ME!!! maybe.. ^^"

written by : Moon Ila
at : 28th February 2010

Even if I wish that all of it were lies
So that I could sleep with sparkling hopes
But it’s reality that I couldn’t change
And all I have to do is to live with it

It wasn’t your fault everything turn out to be like this
It wasn’t his, their or anybody’s fault either
We have our reasons, though we couldn’t understand each other fully
This side will help you through
What they called as the thundering storms

What I couldn’t tolerate is the tears that rains
From what they called as despair and dying hopes

Your love, it wouldn’t stop hurting
Your heart, too far, I couldn’t touch it

I want you to always know
That no matter what I’m always there for you
Whether it’s right or wrong
You will never walk this world alone

What we couldn’t tolerate is the despair that fell
On you, on me, on everybody as it’s hurting

Your eyes, it wouldn’t stop hurting
Your pain, I couldn’t do anything to ease it

If you’re near, I’d ask us to hold hands
We’ll get through this and get our smile back
Together we stand, divided we’ll fall
Together we’ll break this through

We’ll never stop believing
What miracles could pull through
This time, it’s not you, it’s not me, it’s not him, it’s not her
It’s us, so strengthen these bonds, don’t break it apart
Even if it’s as thin as the invisible string

2PM,

I don’t know how you guys are feeling right now, since I’m nowhere to understand your well masked feelings. Though I know it must be hurting since everybody was hurt and that includes me as well. This almost sudden turn of events created a huge thundering storm and storms damaged almost everything, cruelly, without mercy even to those who thought they prepared well for what’s coming. To be honest, the day before the press conference, I already cried, knowing that nothing will change and my hope will be broken. But those tears that fell, wasn’t only for Jay-oppa but for you guys as well. Our circle was very worried about you guys and how the press will go especially Wooyoung-oppa and Chansung-oppa. And even when you guys were on the conference, I was anxious, I really wanted to know what happened and if everything went well over there. But since I was so far away, I’m just an outsider, even if I call myself as MyHottest.

This whole thing still shocked me though, the next day, when I read those articles. It’s heartbreaking and I cried at the cyber café, embarrassing myself. I might be overreacting, and you guys might think that I’m childish but I couldn’t lie to myself that time so I cried. I cried because Jay-oppa isn’t returning and I cried when I thought of how hard it must be on you guys with those fans turning to anti-fans and all.

I couldn’t blame anybody but your entertainment company but let’s just call that as a selfish blaming since I’m not the one to blame anybody since I know just a little about the truth. I understand that you guys made your decisions, according to what I read from the articles. And I understand that you guys said that it was impossible for him to return as 2PM because of his personal mistakes. Though everybody was curious on what he did but I understand that I shouldn’t pry too much on it. You guys were protecting him, right?

Stay strong, that’s what I wanted to say for now. Know that no matter what, there were still fans like me out there that will always support you guys. Let’s just wish that time will wash away this overwhelming anger, sadness, and the despair of the fans. Everything will get better and please stay healthy so that we could smile together again.

And now I’m going to write personal message to you guys. I hope you guys know that you guys still own a lot of love from your hottest.

Junsu-oppa,

I personally really like you that I and my sister fought for you, in a childish manner. Then we agreed to share you. It’s funny but that happens when you fangirl over someone. Both of us loves you and adores you in so many ways it’s sad to think that you’re sad and was hurt. The fans posted the picture of you and that girl that was thought to be your girlfriend though you denied. Don’t worry, we will always love you since we knew that you love to love someone. It’s just normal that you have a girl, right?

Taecyeon-oppa,

You’re my number one since I love you the most in the band even though I love the other members too. I don’t know how did you feel when the fans wrote mean things like getting rid of you from variety shows and such but it must be hurting, right? I feel sorry for you and I wish you would always stay strong and move on, walk on confidently, remembering that there were still fans that would love to see you and there are still us that love you no matter what. Please bear in mind that you’re not in this alone, okay?

Nickhun-oppa,

You’re my sister’s number one so I think I have more of your photos compared to the others. And we love you so much that we thought of going to Thailand when you went there last Valentine. You have a very large fanbase so I’m not that worried about you but still, I want to tell you that we love you and the others too. This thing will pass on, even though it look bad right now. You will pull this through, you have a lot of love, you already know that, right?

Wooyoung-oppa,

You’re like the cutest one in the bunch. If you guys were real bunnies then you’d be the cutest bunny ever. Fans were really worried if you’d cry and that just shows how much we really love you. The some of the fans posted pictures of you looking intoxicated with Seulong and the sexy girls to show that they care about 2PM no more. But I hope you know that there are still fans that will always love you and support you no matter what. It’s a normal thing for 20er boys to be like that, right?

Junho-oppa,

I don’t know what Jay-oppa did that makes you and the others hate him for some time. I was shocked when I heard that but then was relieved that you said that you already forgive him. Junho-oppa, I know you’re strong but even if you’re strong, there’s a limit to it, right? We know that you’re really hardworking and you are hurt a lot so we are also very worried about you when things came out to be like this. I’m really sorry to stay this but please stay strong. I hope it wasn’t too much for you to handle and I want to tell you that we love your smiling eyes and we wish that you’d smile happily again. Oppa, we love you no matter what and we will wait for your honest smile!

Chansung-oppa,

You’re one of the cutest maknae I ever seen since you’re one of a kind maknae that kills the fans with your sexiness overload. I was told that you’re actually sensitive and because of that the fans are really worried about you as well. They are worried on how you would feel, how hard everything is going on for you and everything. It was kind of funny seeing some of the fans posted your pictures drinking. I know it was wrong since you’re underage but you’re not the only one in the world that did that. You’re just a little naughty and was caught so I hope you know that we don’t care about that. We will always love you. Don’t drink too much, okay?

The hottest are now split into two, the boycotting team that will not support 2PM without Jay and the supporting team that still support 2PM and does not boycott. I hope you don’t hate the boycotting team since they have their own reasons on why they became like that. I’m on the supporting team but I understand why there is boycotting team. They just wanted Jay back, as much as we, the supporting team wanted him back too. Since we don’t know what he did and everything, most of us still believe in miracle and wish that he’s come back, even though you guys said that it was impossible.

The boycotting team has points that we ourselves couldn’t deny and some of them are really drastic that they attacked the supporting team too. We hope that you guys know that we the supporting team protected you and you’re into this alone. There were fights in MyHottest and it is sad that our leader also resigned because of it. They were blaming her for being in charge of ordering your albums and such. But still we will always be on 2PM’s side.

I don’t really know why I wrote this since the chance of you guys reading it is so slim. But still, 2PM, FIGHTING! We will always wait for the hottest time of the day. WE LOVE YOU! And even though you might hate to hear this but, we will always wait for Park Jaebeom to come back.


-----------

ah, when i read this back, im really a child.. ^^" but thats how i really feel that time. I LOVE YOU 2PM!

2PM Jaebeom, 2PM and JYPE.

It is sad when you read about his latest news, about him, his mistakes, withdrawal and all that shit JYPE posted. =[

read here,

Excerpts from JYP Entertainment’s online letter:

“On December 22nd, 2009, Jaebeom confessed to Jung Wook representative that he had done something wrong during Again and Again promotions. Apparently, it was far more serious than his MySpace controversy.

The six other members were not notified then as they were busy with year-end activities. On January 3rd, 2010, everyone of us (along with the members) sat down for a discussion and came to an agreement 3 days later that it was no longer possible for Park Jaebeom to continue activities along with 2PM.

We thus decided to terminate our exclusive contract with Jaebeom.”

JYPE stated that Jaebeom’s social impulses were a private matter and will not be revealed. They expressed that it was difficult to reveal the details of Park Jaebeom’s offenders who had intruded into his privacy and posted the comments.

JYPE had planned for Jaebeom’s comeback back in November 2009, with the idea of a return in April 2010, to which Jaebeom himself agreed. The plan was for Jaebeom to return to Korea in the 3rd week of February 2010 and have a press conference before resuming activities with 2PM in April. This comeback news were all kept secret, with the aim of protecting Jaebeom and 2PM. But it has now all become void.



We can only hope that the JYP conference planned for the 27th along with the 2PM fan communities will proceed smoothly. Currently, 100 Hottests have gathered at the JYPE building in Seoul to protest at the point of writing.

Source: http://www.allkpop.com/2010/02/jaebeom-is-...eturning-to-2pm

The netizens are again talking about Jaebum’s official withdrawal from 2PM and his termination of his contract with JYP

On February 25th at 8PM, JYPE, 2PM’s company, revealed through JYPE’s official website that Jaebum has terminated his contract with the company and has officially left 2PM. It was a long message but it said the reason for his withdrawal was Jaebum’s personal mistake. They ended the contract because his mistake could lead to a bigger crisis than the controversy from last September. The letter also said that JYPE was planning on Jaebum’s comeback in March, with the agreement from the other 6 members.

The sudden withdrawal-contract termination announcement, the fans are in a big turmoil. Pop audiences are also in uproar. People are having expectations mixed with mourn, such as “It seems like we have crossed a river that you can’t already cross” and fans are having ‘hope as thin as string.”

One pop audience carefully showed his opinion: “They already ended the contract. I think we came too far to go back.” Also, JYPE already raised the reason as Jaebum’s ‘personal mistake’ so if this ‘personal mistake’ is true, Jaebum could have uneasiness in the future. There are predictions saying that the situation can be even more depressing if we keep digging into the problem.

However, fan’s responses are ‘It’s sad.’ The belief that Jaebum will return, a belief they had for the last 4 months, was suddenly crushed completely, and they are resenting the attitude of ‘Jaebum’s return is possible’ JYP has had. Many fans have left the official fan café shouting for JYP boycott. Fans say “We can’t trust JYP’s position” and is raising their voices that they have been decepted.

In the middle of this, many people are wondering about the meeting between 2PM and their fans that will be held on February 27th. This meeting will be 2PM’s first move after the situation of Jaebum that has lasted for over 4 months and the termination of Jaebum’s contract.

Even though Jaebum, who has left 2PM and returned to the US, has ended his contract with JYPE, the meeting with 2PM and their fans will be held as originally planned.

However, the fans’ responses to the meeting are very disparaging. The fans have already showed pessimistic responses toward the direction and the procedure of this meeting. This is because the fans are wondering if JYPE is having this meeting to appease the fans who are exploding with questions about Jaebum. One of 2PM’s fans has strongly asked for a change in the procedure.

Also, because Jaebum’s termination of his contract has been publicly announced in the afternoon of February 25th, the fans and also other netizens are focused on how this meeting will be held and on what they will be talking about. Some of the netizens are predicting, “Since the issues are serious, wouldn’t there be genuine talks?” but other netizens respond, “The issues are very sensitive and since decisions have already been made, wouldn’t only expected statements be made?”


CREDITS: Newsen (SOURCE]; qtkrngal@2ONEDAY.COM (TRANS)

------------

I'm really really really FUCKIN sad.. =[ How could this happen? Jay!!!! and now the fans are really angry. Today is their conference day. I'm very anxious. Poor 2PM.. =[

I dont know what to think or what to say anymore.

All I want to do now is just..

CRY my hearts out.

2PM = 7, no more no less.. =[

Everybody, pray that Jaebeom is coming back. And please pray that JYPE doesnt terminate his contract yet.. ;-;

tired of waiting

mood : despair
song : my heart - 2PM

"there's just too much that one could say when he's pressed between his love and his sanity." -Bloodress

my heart ache. though i don't know why.

why? why?
i can't seem to stop loving.

-------------------------

there were parts of me that's screaming and another parts lying.

and which part is screaming? why are you lying?

i'm dwelling into the past again. and i hate myself for being like this.

because sometimes you just couldn't help it. you missed him don't you?

little by little, i tried to stop this overflowing feeling. but i'm losing my sanity.

because you love him too much.

i feel worthless and that's why it just hurt more.

breathe.

-----------------------

i'm stressed, i'm stressed to the core.

i hated waiting yet

it was the thing that i did the most in my life.

pity me, huh?

that's why, i won't wait for anyone anymore.

if you love me, don't make me wait.

because that's one of the thing i DESPISE the most.

-------------------------------

and still, i'm waiting

for you.

------------------------------

"i'll just cry tomorrow

because i can't do it in front of you." - Ila

---------------------------

i was interested in knowing myself. because i don't know myself worser than you.

----------------------------

look at me.

and tell me that i'm beautiful.

---------------------------

"i'm waiting for someone, to translate my heart." - Ila

-----------------------------

"don't you pity yourself? for crying out like this?" -Alexiel

-------------------------------

i'm missing you. more than i'm missing anyone else.

and the thought of not being able to see you ever again, made it even harder to breathe.

-------------------------------------

"when i first saw you, you were emotionless. then i know, you're broken." - Lex

-----------------------------

"i'd tapped you on your shoulder. just because i want you to know that I care about you." - Camille

-----------------------------

someone please save me

-----------------------------

someone to love : Fye I. Malilith
statement of the day : my heart, is still beating

Questions (repost)

Tittle : Questions
Author : Ila Way

Eventhough it was too much, I still wanted to ask you…

“Fye, lets play 20 questions,” said Ila, smiling to the silver-haired one.
“Oh, that game?”
Ila smiles, nodding to the question. “Why do you like that game so much?”
“Tee hee, because I love to hear your answers. And I should be the one questioning here,” she smiles again with hands brushing Fye’s hands.
“Oh, I see. Forgive me. Then, I’ll answer every single of them just for you.”

“Do you love me?” – “I do”
“Do you care about me?” – “I do”
“Do you really love me?” – “Yes, I do”
“Do you really care about me?” – “Yes, I do”
“Do you love Malilith?” – “I do”
“Do you really love Malilith?” – “Yes, I do”
“Do you care about him?” – “I do”
“Do you really care about him?” – “Yes, I do”
“Would you cry if I die?” – “I would”
“Would you cry if Malilith die?” – “I would”
“How much do you love me?” – “As much as you do”
“How much do you love Malilith?” – “As much as he does”
“How much do you love us?” – “More than myself”
“Have you ever thought that we are annoying?” – “Never”
“Have you ever thought that we are cute?” – “Always”

So, the question continues and Fye gladly answer every single of them until…

“How long will you stay with us?”

That last question… The last question… There is no answer coming from Fye. Ila stares blankly at him, waiting. He sighed and…

“Forever, my love”

But he lied. He never stay. He never did. He is the first to leave us… for eternity.

Eventhough I know it will hurt me, I still wanted to hear it…

“Will you ever leave?” – “Stop asking”
“Will you ever leave me?” – “Stop asking”
“Will you ever leave me like Fye did?” – “Stop…”
“Will you ever, Malilith… *holds herself* Will you ever…-” – “STOP IT!”

Malilith. He is the one who never answer, He never answer me. No matter how many times I asked him. No matter how…

“Malilith… W… Will you ever… -”
“I SAID STOP IT, GODDAMN IT! YOU WANT ME TO DIE SO MUCH? DO YOU, ILA?”
“It’s not like that! I… I just… Just wanted to…”
“If you keep on asking, I’ll kill myself,” said Malilith in threatening voice. “I will, Ila. I will”

No matter how painful it is, he will never answer. He will never… Unlike Fye…

But he creid everyday… Everyday when I did not ask…

“Why?”
“What?”
“Why remain like this?”
“What?”
“You want me to ask”
“No, I don’t”
“Will you ever-”
“STOP IT!”
“Malilith”
“What?”
“You’re crying”
“You too”

Everytime I ask, I really mean it. Everytime you look into my eyes, I can’t control my tears, but so do you. You can’t answer me because you don’t want to hurt me but it actually hurts more when you… never answer…

“Don’t leave me…”

Silence. And that’s how we cried ourself to sleep.

“Dear Fye, will Malilith ever leave me?”
“He won’t”
“Are you lying?”
“I don’t”

----------------------------------------------------------------

This was posted at blue cresent before but since i read it back, i was touched by my OWN honesty towards myself. i couldn't get it back, now.

this was originally written 2 years ago.

I know I love KHR

1. The word extreme makes you think of Ryohei
2. Every time you hear the word Lamborghini you think of our little cow.
3. Every time you pass by a pineapple, see a pineapple, or even think of one, you instantly think of Mukuro or Chrome.
4. You pay more attention to numbers in real life (i.e. 59, 27, 80, 18, etc.); Whenever you see the numbers, your mind instantly converts them back to character names
5. You have actually found numbers in real life of a Reborn pairing (1869, 8059, etc.)
6. You have at least one Reborn-related item in your room- whether that be a printed out picture, to doujinshi, to plushies and others.
7. Have/thought [about] cosplay[ing/ed] as one of the characters.
8. You try to learn Italian.
9. You start wearing more 'mafia'-like clothing.
10. Almost every single Reborn OP and ED are/is in your ipod/zune/whatever you use.
11. You practically memorized the Namimori anthem
12. You have said 'Kamikorosu' or 'Bite you to death' at least once. (DO NOT DENY THIS) ; You have a sudden urge to say a teacher you'll bite them to death.
13. You remember the characters ク and フ thanks to Mukuro's Kufufu.
14. When you recently buy a new car and you choose a Reborn-related license plate. (I would. lol)
15. You remember your locker combination because it consists of Reborn numbers.
16. You realize that the Reborn numbers is/are part of your phone number[s].
17. When you are reading your history textbook and see Giotto (A realism artist of the 1300s) you keep on thinking he has relationships to the mafia.
18. When you figure out the English-equivalent to Giotto's name (It's Geoffrey, according to the internet.) and laugh. Then go "o_o"
19. Command your friends to do it with their "DYING WILLLLL"
20. Hibird is your ringtone ; Your ringtone comes from the show -- or even worse, a fanvid.
21. You combine food according to reborn pairings.
22. You remember the vocab word "bellicose" only because of Belphegor.
23. When reading books White Fang you start comparing/matching up characters to KHR characters
24. You are bored in class and begin to doodle pineapples and hibirds.
25. If someone tells you to choose a random number you choose one of the character numbers [ 69, 27, etc. ]
26. You begin to use a character's trademark sayings such as "KYOKUGEN!", "Kufufu" etc.
27. Pin up many KHR images/items just to stare at them.
28. Hug your KHR cushion at night? [ or, you want one just for the sake of hugging it... ]
29. If someone mentions 69 you think of Mukuro and not that one...position.
30. Encourage friends who don't know anything related to KHR, to read the manga or watch the anime.
31. Attempted to do the "kufufu" laugh... and failed.
32. Absolutely any mention of Hitman makes you think of Reborn.
33. Any time it rains or threaten to rain, you want to shake a fist at Yamamoto; any kind of weather forecast makes you think of Reborn characters. xD ; whenever the weather forecaster says something, your mind goes to KHR pairings... (example : "today is going to be sunny with a bit cloudy at the afternoon..."
34. You suddenly pay more attention to ANYTHING Italian (including Giada de Laurentiis, Food Network host of Everyday Italian)
35. You pay more attention to cute yellow birds.
36. "Goku" makes you first think of KHR, not Dragonball, not Gensomaden Saiyuki.
37. Any mention of a scanner in your area makes you go, "Spanner? Where? Where?!"
38. You've started a lollipop habit thanks to Spanner.
39. Every time to hit a certain speed limit (18, 27, 50, 80?!?) you have to point it out to anyone in the car.
40. Your friends are pretty much forced to read/watch it in order to stay friends with you since 90% of what you say is a KHR reference.
41. You talk about KHR characters using their number names.
42. If you want to bother someone [ or are bored ] you start singing KHR character songs.
43. You've tried to find KHR fans by wearing pineapple hairstyle, cosplaying, wearing a hibird, etc.
44. You crack KHR jokes and memes to other people, although you're the only one who will get it.
45. You have dreams with KHR characters in it.
46. You have an account (anywhere) that has a username that relates to KHR
47. You learn how to hold tonfas correctly by cosplaying Hibari
48. When you make your personal messages on msn/aim/whatever Italian.
49. You start eating candies and grapes because of Lambo.
50. You forget the cosplayers' names and just call them by who they're cosplaying as. And you still call them by that character, even when they're cosplaying another character.
51. You try to match your favourite food to your fave character's food.
52. You sing their character songs are karaoke.
53. You see Oofuri as an offspring of Namimori's baseball club, orz
54. You laugh when you see a "Tutor Wanted" poster.
55. You're waiting for this list to hit a certain Reborn number. xD
56. Any other anime character/whatever with Byaku in it makes you think of Byakuran.
57. Thinking of the military or looking at any kind of rifle reminds you of Colonello.
58. You catch yourself calling your frog plushie Fantasma.
59. You no longer buy original manga because all your money is spent on Reborn doujinshi.
60. Your cellphone straps are/is your Reborn OTP(s)
61. You want to find out what colour your Dying Will Flame would be. :'D
62. Bothering someone to the extreme by calling them Juudaime.
63. Nearly wear your varia jacket nearly constantly. everywhere you go.
64. You're constantly on the look out for Dying-Will Boxers.
65. You stalk this community. Every day. ; Can't wait to check this community when you get home, always thinking about it at school/work (Refers to the KHR com on LJ. And yes you can find me there)
66. You hear the word "VOIIIII" and think of Squalo immediately.
67. You see eyebrows remotely similar to Genkishi's, then think to yourself "Those eyebrows are against school rules."
68. Go on reborn related sites during school/work hours.
69. Read Reborn manga/doujin during school
70. You spread KHR BL, you give your friend KHR BL doujin.
71. In order to promote KHR, you tell your friends that certain KHR characters look like characters from another series.
72. in the morning, when you wake up, you yell "REBORNNN!"
73. You can't concentrate on reading a text when you see an "X" every time
74. Eating/seeing marshmallows makes me think of Byakuran.
75. When you receive a 27% on assignments/tests -- Your HAPPY! (Same rule applies with other marks.. 18, 69, 59, 80, 100(haha), 96, etc...)
76. The emoticon 'XD' makes your laugh hysterically.
77. You read your 'marks out of' completely differently (Eg: 18/27, 27/59, 69/100, 18/69, etc..)
78. More than 80%(haha) percent of your avatars/images are KHR related... (Okay maybe about 59% xD)
79. You laugh when you find out that "VOI!" is actually an Italian word. Then LAUGH HARDER at it's translation. (Voi = All of you)
80. Think Axel from KH2 is Marmon All Grown Up.
81. You immediately think Arcobaleno when passing by any pacifiers/babies with pacifiers
82. You had a laughing fit when figuring out that "Vongola" means "clam".
83. Believe that the "O RLY" Owl is really 69 in disguise.
84. Have tried to make/have made a functional singing Hibird plushie.
85. When you spend 2 hours coming up and filling out prompts for fanfic, then 6 hours trolling the internet for the ever elusive fanfic with Ryohei inside.
86. You started to mention Pineapple as 'Nappo'
87. You remembered Dr. Shamal when you see mosquito
88. Your desktop/cellphone wallpaper is KHR
89. You tried to create a dance for "Kufufu no Fu"
90. When you heard 'samsara' or 'reincarnation', you suddenly thought about Mukuro
91. You ever played at least 1 KHR game (I WANT TO!!!!!!!)
92. When you wanted to buy a fish, you suddenly thought about Tuna (Tsuna)
93. Seeing Kangaroo made you thought about Ryouhei
94. Seeing rainbow made you remembered the ring guardians
95. You started to like shark because of Squalo.
96. You wanted to have a turtle because of Enzio
97. You thought about Dino Cavallone instead of Dinosaur when you heard someone said 'Dino'
98. You started to call every animals/pets you meet by their names in KHR (Cat=Uri, Turtle=Enzo, Yellow Birds=Hibird,) even though they already have names.
99. You're scared you can't get close to sakura anymore because you got bit by mosquitos.
100. Whenever you meet your friends who're also fans of KHR, you always talk about KHR and gossips about the characters. (I sont have people around who like reborn... sadly)
101. Your notebook is full of KHR doodles, which makes you scolded by teacher. Instead of feeling guilty, you actually tried to spread KHR virus to your teacher.
102. You know that Mammon is a male, but can't help to hope that he is a female because of those seriously adorable fanarts of her/him.
103. You wish you could pull off a Yamamoto when you don't understand something.
104. You can't help but think that Kyoko is Tsuna's long lost twins, because of the similarity of their appearance (and sometimes personality).
105. Bad tasted cooking=Poison cooking, and then you're afraid that you're going to die.
106. You remember many kanji because they're the kanji representing 'Rain' and 'Storm' etc in Japanese ; Sometimes the kanji of characters' names.
107. When you're bored when you were in car, you start to set eyes on car plates, if their plates have KHR's numbers on it.
108. You wish you could steal those plates if you find it.
109. You start to see Mafia in much nicer view. ; You're starting to see the mafia in a more positive light and have considered trying to join.
110. In fact, you think that their bosses are nice and cute like Tsuna or Dino.
111. you want to watch The Godfather if you haven't seen it before.
112. You would practically scream at the top of your lungs when you see a KHR cosplayer or faint, depends
113. When you buy a KHR related object/item/souvenir (taking a figurine for example), you would carry it around with you for the rest of the day, playing with it, hugging it, kissing it, and even going to sleep with it.
114. If you are a boy (or maybe a girl), you would sometimes/often copy the hairstyle of your favourite Reborn! male character ; You take pride in having hair similar to a character's.
115. When you are doing an exercise and you know it that you are tired, you still keep pushing yourself because pushing yourself to the limit reminds you of Ryohei and is EXTREME!!
116. You are all giggly and smiling and happy when one of your friends or anybody else tells you that you are identical to one of the Reborn! characters.
117. You see a rainbow (in the sky, in a t-shirt in the TV, anywhere!) automatically think in the Arcobaleno
118. You greet people by 'Ciaossu'
119. When you're actually planning to get a tattoo of your favourite/s character/s
120. When you write with a permanent maker the numbers of your OTP on your body
121. You ACTUALLY yelled "IT'S OVER 9,000 200,000!!!!!11one"
122. You start using the phrase "EXTREME LIKE DINOSAURS EXPLODING" after reading that awesome Lussuria/Ryouhei fic
123. You actually WAIT for your digital clock to hit a certain time (18:27, 18:48, 18:59 etc) ; When your clock says 18:27 or 18:59 or something like that, you just giggle to yourself.
124. Every time you see someone in a black/grey suit you think of TYL!characters.
125. You want to adopt a hedgehog after chapter 210 of the manga. (HELL YEAH!)
126. You use your fav pairing (5927, 8018, 6918...) as your PIN number.
127. You yell "Reborn!" whenever you're determined to do something.
128. You start wearing your jacket like Hibari does because you think it looks cool.
129. You try to learn how to play the piano or to play baseball. ; You've started to take piano lessons to be more like Gokudera
130. You choose tuna sandwich whenever you order sandwich.
131. When you see purple food, you think that it's Poison Cooking
132. When you look at Chikusa and his tattoo, you are tempted to take him to the store and scan him to see how much he would cost. (LOL)
133. You randomly spout out "VOI - (insert rest of sentence here)" whenever you are bothered by something... or you just feel like being obnoxious.
134. You hear the word "kora!" and you instantly think of Colonello.
135. You start saying kora.
136. You've taken to nicknaming people around you after the character nicknames, ending up with deranged names like 'Lawned Octopus' or 'Owlbird' or even worse 'Pineapplebird-head'
137. You regularly find yourself stalking following people in black suits to see if they lead you to the Mafia. (hahahaha)
138. You quote the characters more than speak yourself.
139. You try to talk to babies like they can understand you.
140.Lizards make you LOL!
141. When you saw the title of "Hibari no Kokoro" by SPITZ (or if you heard of it), you went to download it immediately.
142. You read 'Shark friendly Tsuna sandwich' instead of 'Dolphin friendly tuna sandwich.
143. When someone is about to punch you, you make a rectangle with your index fingers and thumbs, trying to pull off the Zero Point Breakthrough.
144. You wonder if getting your hand chopped off will make you a better swordsman.
145. You really wish creepy music would start playing in the background every time you appear out of nowhere.
146. You have started wearing a tiara, and DAAAAMN does it feels princely~
147. Whenever you go in to the cafeteria in your school, you suspect that the horrible foods were cooked by Bianchi.
148. You go around claiming that you're a prince, even though you're not and you're a girl.
149. Roadkills are definitely an accessory. So are roboclaws and tiaras.
150. You actually try to figure out WHERE exactly Gokudera lives (and you have funny theories about that!)
151. You have gone through the entire manga searching for the brand Gokudera smokes.
152. You excitedly wear the gloves with a giant X on them so you can pretend to be casual-wear Tsuna.
156. Think its destiny that you and particular character share the same birthday, angry when its not your favourite character.
157. You're not sure why, but you have reason to believe Byakuran is actually Longchamp in disguise.
158. You notice you start saying "wao" now. Even if it's used more for "wow" than "weakling".
159. You start learning Kendo because you want to be like Yamamoto.
160. You buy suitable fabric (by asking the shopkeeper to rec. cloth best for suits worn by the mafia), take your reborn manga to the tailor, and begged her to make the exact same suits as seen in manga for you to wear to work.
161. You wear tailored smart-looking suits to work despite only holding a clerical position.
162. You start taking piano lessons and wear suits to them.
163. Someone from the KHR dept spoke to you about not including the word 'extreme' in your emails
164. You start putting in more effort at work so that you can impress your boss
165. You got a part time job as a tutor.
166. You turn up for your tutoring sessions wearing suits (and it scares the sh!t out of your student, his mother tells you)
167. You wear a Vongola ring everyday and everyone knows the significance of it
168. Your work desk has a lot of KHR stuff that you actually use
169. Your boss and colleagues all knows about you and KHR and the mafia etc but does not do anything extreme to stop you because 1. they've given up and 2. you've actually become a more efficient employee because of it
170. Your cellphone looks exactly like Hibari's (and your ringtone is Hibird...) (I WANT ONE!)
171. You suck on a lollipop when things get stressful at work.
172. You greet your friends with "VOOOOIIII!!!" and then laugh like mad.
173. You asked your friend whether it is safe to let her pet turtles go near water (they were swimming!!!) when you visited her house.
174. You made such a ruckus when you saw the number "0859" on the lottery results page that your mom asked you how much did you nearly win
175. You go to a supermarket/minimarket and search for a jam/juice, you automatically search for pineapple flavour even if you don't like it.
176. You feel totally guilty when you have to eat pineapples
177. You started to name you stuffs with KHR names (ie. Owl plushie would be Mukuro.)
178. You memorized Namimori Anthem better than your school anthem
179. Sometimes you see candles as DYNAMITE.
180. You spent more space for KHR stuffs in your Harddisk much more than for your work/project/paper
190. You went EXTREMELY happy when you found SAKURA-FLAVORED Kit-Kat
191. You wish you live in Japan just for the sake of the Doujinshi and Cons.
192. You've set one of your passwords to one of the KHR pairing numbers
193. you started to wonder where Hibari lived and like what are his parents
194. you searched for KHR music sheets/keys so you can play it yourself
195. you memorized well some of KHR characters' lines, even you don't know what the hell is that mean
196. You started to love sushi because of Yamamoto; or else, you're afraid of sushi because of Bianchi
197. you searched for black pyjamas just to match hibari
198. you started to wash your clothes manually like Basil
199. You started to make fanfic/fanart/doujin/amv/stufss that is/are related to KHR
200. You realized that number 38 all the way up there mentioned Spanner. (It's his number to those who forgot.)

counting the nights

mood : sleepy
song : Eden - Dai

case 1

YAH!~ I'M KIND OF HAPPY TODAY! IT'S REALLY RARE! xD

I think it's probably because I fell in love for Hibari all over again. lol I don't know why but he seems to own me now. xD And yesterday I got a new info about Hibari-san.

Hibari in TYL arc is 205 cm high and he weigh 98 kg.

I was like... O_O OMG! **censored**! HIBARI IS SO **censored**ING TALL!

at first I was really... well, kind of scared hearing that since (I had a huge crush on him) he's so tall and I'm only 153cm... (and I weigh 42 kg)

Then later, I find it sexually appealing. I started to like tall people now. lol



Anyway, HOORAY FOR ME BEING HAPPY AND HOORAY FOR HIBARI FOR BEING SO TALL! xD

case 2

Ex boyfriend case, again. lol He sent me these.

[From : Megat-kun
To : Malilith Ila

sun= Malilith
cloud= Mukuro

Then.. Who am I to you..? I want to be with you but you refuse.. You said that I am your cloud but it changed.. So I guess you right.. I am not worth for it anymore.. I want to ask you for the last time.. Do you want to be with me or not? Please answer it sincerely. ]

what I did is only smile. YES SMILE, DAMMIT!

First of all,

it's true that Malilith is my SUN. he lighten my darkest lonely hours and he was always there when i needed him, when i wanted him. he never fail to complete me. it was a tough job since i practically have a lot of holes. but he fills me indiscriminately.

but, Mukuro is NOT my CLOUD. he is the mist, the one that moves, appears and disappears without a sound. never to be caught, never to be bound. No, he's not my cloud. you're wrong, Gen-chan. Mukuro to me is my ideal lust. he is sexy as hell and everytime i saw him, my head just screamed SEX! but i don't necessarily love him.

my cloud is the cloud guardian of Vongola Tenth, Hibari Kyouya. He is the CLOUD. I fell in love with him again and again everyday. i know he was a fantasy but no one said that it's wrong to dream. so, yes, i want my own Hibari. and when i found him, i'll love him.

if you're wrong at this part, that means you really don't know me. what can i say anymore? even my not so close friend knew that Hibari is my cloud and not Mukuro. then, ask yourself again. Do you even know me enough to say that you love me?

and for your personal information, Fye is my SKY.

Yes, Mukuro had this very high sex appeal to me. Especially when he's older. lol I'd surrender.

case 3

lately i've been having a really bad sleep quality. i couldn't sleep much. i'm getting sensitive and everytime i woke up, i feel anxious and tired. there's something wrong with me but i don't know what is it.

IT SUCKS.

someone to love : Hibari Kyouya
statement of the day : I think I'm a pedo................ maybe...........

Why? You ask? Because I just saw this chibi Hibari picture and I fell in love with it. Then, I saw Mukuro's chibi picture and I thought... he was... sexy... so... I'm really wondering if I... started to develop... pedo... haha...

Later I read... .......................................................................... a pedo fiction....................... which is... M-Rated...............

I think I should question my sanity again.

tired this time

honestly, i'm tired of myself. i don't want to see myself anymore and i don't want to live as Nur Nabilah Rosli anymore.

"Sometimes I saw she cried, in her bed but I never knew why."

Sometimes I saw you saw me crying and I don't give a damn what you're thinking. And you never asked, that's what hurts more. And I'm wasting my time with fantasizing and dreaming and answering.

Like this **censored**.
Just to make me happy.

1. Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for?
-no

2. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
-yes and it was unpleasent

3. Are you obsessed with someone?
-yes

4. Does it bother you when people go through your phone?
-not really

5. Do you like more than one person right now?
-yes

6. Name something that you would love to eat right now.
-i'm hungry but i couldnt think of anything right now

7. Did you get any compliments today?
-no

8. Who was the last person to call you?
-Megat, the person I least wanted to talk to right now

9. If you could pick a temperature the rest of your life, what would it be?
-any temperature that could freeze me to death

10. Do you steal people's boyfriends or girlfriends?
-never

11. Are you happy?
-no, in this particular moment

12. Who was the last person you texted?
-Aikal

13. Who was the last person you im'd?
-I dont remember

14. Are you moody?
-maybe, right now

15. Last person/people you hung out with?
-myself, sadly

16. What is the biggest lie you have ever told?
-I've **censored**ed somebody

17. Have you ever smoked on campus?
-No

18. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
-Lots

20. Are you single?
-Yes

21. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
-No, it will scar me forever, thank you

22. Have you ever had a stalker?
-When I was younger, yeah

23. Who was the last person to make you mad?
-myself

24. Are you thirsty?
-kind of

25. What are you listening to?
-sound of chairs

26. What do you do before bed?
-daydream?

27. Have you ever lied to your parents?
-of course

28. Have you ever worn your best friend's clothes?
-yes =] (yay i finally smiled lol)

29. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
-no

30. Who do you miss?
-lots of people

31. Where are your siblings right now?
-at home lol

i now prounounce

myself as an emotionally unstable, perverted, sick, psychotic, crazy, hyper, loser, poor, sad Ila. haha

and i'm tired.

lollipop!

mood : hungry
song : heartbreaker - GD
moment of the day : sleeping at the library

I'm the cool cat, meow~

I think I should date myself and see how far it will go. lol Since I'm generally so fucked up in love relationship. The people I love always leave me and the people I dont love always come for me. haha. I'll stop searching but I'll keep on waiting, for you, dear, love.

I love my thigh. haha! actually i have a thigh showing fetish. *nosebleed*

(the second time i look at my pic again) I'M UGLY YAHHHHHHHHH

By the way, I LOVE HIBARI!

Survey

1) I miss somebody right now. (Malilith, Fye, myself, and my friends)
2) I do not watch tv these days. (yes. that score big time! haha)
3) I wear glasses or contact lenses. (yes, but glasses only)
4) I love to play video games. (yesh! fighting and racing's cool!~)
5) I have tried marijuana. (not yet and never)
6) I have been in a threesome. (uh, best to say no)
7) I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (kind of but not usually)
8) I have changed mentally over the last year. (too much! xD)
9) I curse. (yeah but not always =])
10) I am totally smart. (maybe, depends on what subject it is. haha)
11) I've broken someone's bones. (never yet, i think)
12) I am paranoid sometimes. (kind of always, sometimes, haha)
13) I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (nope, thanks)
14) I need money right now. (indeed coz i wanna conquer the world xD)
15) I love sushi. (LIKE FREAKING LOVE IT!)
16) I talk really, really fast. (i dont think so...)
17) I have long hair. (yesh and i'm proud of it xD)
18) I have lost money in Las Vegas. (not yet, haha!)
19) I have at least one sibling. (yeah, i have 6 lol)
20) I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (whenever it was necessary)
21) I couldn't survive without Caller ID. (lol maybe no)
22) I like the way I look. (sometimes but i hate it sometimes too)
23) I am usually pessimistic. (yeah... sadly)
24) I have a lot of mood swings. (too much indeed)
25) I have a hidden talent. (i'm not so sure about this but i hope i have)
26) I am always hyper. (yeah hahaha i actually like being hyper)
27) I have a lot of friends. (i think so but good friends and best freinds, not much)
28) I have pecked someone of the same sex. (not yet, hahaha)
29) I enjoy talking on the phone. (yesh ^_^)
30) I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (nope, i live in jeans and shirts lol)
31) I love to shop. (yesh!)
32) Enjoy window shopping. (sometimes)
33) I would rather shop than eat. (nope)
34) I dont hate anyone. (I HATE SAKURA!)
35) I am a pretty good dancer. (no, i'm wosrt at it)
36) I am completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (no way, i go out with her everyday lol)
37) I have a cell phone. (of course haha!)
38) I believe in God. (100%)
39) I am an adrenaline junkie. (nope)
40) I watch MTV on a daily basis. (i used to, haha!)
41) I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (nope)
42) I have rejected someone before. (a bit too much.. haha)
43) I want to have children in the future. (mine? little me? no thanks but i wanted to adopt =])
44) I have changed a diaper before. (yes, my younger brother, lol)
45) I have called the cops on a friend before. (nope)
46) I am not allergic to anything. (yesh)
47) I have a lot to learn. (lots of learning!~)
48) I am shy around members of the opposite sex. (not really)
49) I have made a move on a friend, significant other or crush in the past. (yeah and i was rejected? haha)
50) I have tried alcohol before. (nope)
51) I own the South Park movie. (nope, my friend does xD)
52) I would die for my best friend. (no because i'd live for him)
53) I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (yeah, hahahahahaha!)
54) I have used my sexuality to advance my career. (nope, not yet)
55) I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (not really)
56) Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (yeah haha)
57) I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. (ITS AWESOME!)
58) I am happy at this moment! (not really, im a bit sad)
59) I am obsessed with girls/guys. (I'm kind of obsessed with a ceretain people)
60) I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met. (nope)
61) I study for tests most of the time. (nope lol)
62) I am comfortable with who I am right now. (not really...)
63) I have more than just my ears pierced. (nope)
64) I walk barefoot wherever I can. (nope)
65) I have jumped off a bridge. (not yet)
66) I love sea turtles. (they're cute =D)
67) I spend ridiculous money on makeup. (used to)
68) Plan on achieving a major goal dream. (uhm.. a secret ambition but yeah :D)
69) I am proficient in a musical instrument. (nope)
70) I hate office jobs. (not really)
71) I love sci-fi movies. (sometimes)
72) I think water rules. (yesh! i luv water!)
73) I went college out of state. (nope)
74) I like sausages. (nope haha)
75) I love kisses. (freaking of course =P)
76) I fall for the worst people. ( sometimes, yeah)
77) I adore bright colours. (nope, i luv darker ones)
78) I cant live without black eyeliner. (hahaha used to)
80) I usually like covers better than originals. (sometimes)
81) I can pick up things with my toes. (lol yeah xD)
82) I can whistle. (yesh haha)
83) I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither. (yesh hahahahhahaha)
84) I have ridden/owned a horse. (nope =[)
85) I still have every journal I've written in. (nope, i lost some of them)
86) I can stick to a diet. (nope, i love eating)
87) I talk in my sleep. (i'm not sure...)
88) I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (nope, i confront it)
89) I have jazz in my blood. (nope haha)
90) Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time. (ah, i wish)
91) I wear a toe ring. (nope)
92) I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. (yeah but shes gone now)
93) I am a caffeine junkie. (nope haha)
94) I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. (I know what cosplay is AND I WANT TO!)
95) I have been to over 15 conventions. (sadly none yet)
96) I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better. (lol yeah haha)
97) I am an artist. (nope)
98) I only clean my room when necessary. (yeah haha)
99) I like a person of the same sex. (not really)
100) I love being happy. (Of course xD)

Teru, <3>
Someone to love : Teru (Versailles)

Statement of the day : I WANTED TO BE IN THE MAFIA!

settling myself

mood : hungry
song : a boy - GD
moment of the day : i took japanese book and gets confused because of it

I found my old fiction! And I was so happy! Like yay! When I read it back, it brings so much memories. I was so amateur and I wrote it like, very short. I love it anyways since I used the characters in it to death. haha xD

Title : EARLY SUNSETS OVER MONROEVILLE
Rating : T
Writer : Ila Way!
Summary : Fye Arthur Darknight was one of the most powerful agent in an organization. He was betrayed and he lost his partner, his true best fiend, the only one he open up to, Faust Dean Grenn. Faust's younger brother then came to replace his brother's place but could he cure up the broken heart?

Myself posing as Teru. Too bad I wasn't as cute as he is.

Posted this just for the sake of myself. I think I needed to love myself more since I started to become pessimistic lately. And I hate it. Sometimes I just wish I could turn back time.

Survey - ON OR OFF

TURNS YOU ON = ON
TURNS YOU OFF = OFF
YOU DON'T CARE = DC

IF A Guy or Girl:

Wears a grill: DC
Dresses Gangsta: OFF
Dresses Preppy: DC
Dresses Skater: OFF
Dresses Athletic: OFF
Dresses Gothic: ON

Has green eyes: DC
Has brown eyes: DC
Has hazel eyes: DC
Has blue eyes: ON

Smokes cigarettes: DC
Smokes weed: OFF
Plays sports: DC
Smiles a lot: ON

Has bad manners in front of you: ON
Has blonde hair: ON
Has brown hair: DC
Has black hair: ON
Has red hair: ON
Has spikey hair: DC
Has no hair: DC
Has long hair: ON
Has curly hair: DC

Good dancer: DC
Wears jewelry: OFF
Piercings: DC
Muscles: OFF
Laid back: DC
Plays guitar: ON
Raps: DC
Can draw: ON

Has a tongue ring: ON
Nipples pierced: DC

Hugs you real tight: ON
Hugs from behind: ON

Creative: ON
Wears glasses: ON
Smart: ON
Calls you just to hear your voice: ON
Kisses you out of no where: ON
Makes the first move: ON

Hibari Kyouya. Isn't him like freaking sexy?
I still can't find anyone better than him, hah! xD
(look at his eyes, lips and neck. total seduction)

someone to love : Hibari Kyouya (KHR)
statement of the day : I need to love myself more
new word : resplendent
-bright, radiant

finished with mid sem exam

mood : stressed
song : heartbeat - 2PM
someone to love : Hibari Kyouya (Katekyo Hitman Reborn)
statement of the day : I'm a female... sadly...

this was supposed to be posted straight after i finished with mid sem but i didn't get the time, haha! so, i was supposed to whine about how suck i am since i couldn't answer those papers properly and confidently. yeah, i suck big time.

by the way, today i'm gonna clear up everything on my pen drive so, there are actually some notes that i'd like to keep. it brings memories.

note 1
I have replied to this message yesterday but but myspace doesnt really send it i guess.. because today i just noticed that it says red and not replied... =[ waaa!!!

uhm.. firstly! this message gonna sound weird because i cant remember what i just said yesterday! haha! and i have short memory.. -_-" but i'll try to make it look as good as i can!

"You already know that I created Aya out of sadness, right? I want to be her cause she's a happy person who's fun to be with because of her joyfulness. But I'm really saddened that it feels like I'm playing pretend to everyone."

I know.. thats actually the same reason why Malilith is here.. ^^ Actually Aya is still you, dear you, and is truly you that you cant show infront of people.. probably you are faraid to show it..
or maybe you just dont know how to show it..
but the truth is.. you know that Aya is you... a long lost you that youve found back...
so.. youre actually not faking yourself.. at first yes maybe.. but not.. it has become you.. its you who laughed.. its you who smiled...

"I've been sad since I stopped school. I didn't know that my father's sister borrowed a lot of money from him and was not able to pay back. Because of that me and my sisters stopped school. My father's sugar business isn't going well either. So we're experiencing financial problems. I've been out of school since I was twelve, but I'm not losing my hopes of becoming an animator cause I know that I can draw and there's this school that I know I can enter in."

I guess since I only have my sisters to talk with I must be feeling lonely that's why I'm sad. I noticed hat my sisters are hiding something behind my back. I felt that I can't trust them anymore. It feels hard to trust anyone anymore. It feels like evryone are just complete strangers.

One more thing, We don't go outside and we only go outside ocasionally... Especially my sisters. I would go outside when my mom will be buying things at the grocery store but my sisters just stay at home.

I just don't get it? Why I'm feeling scared or angry? I hate this feeling. It annoys me and I'm not able to draw well. I would cry and cry and break things (good thing I haven't destroyed anything). Do you think I'm lonely? Is it true about what my sisters are saying that I'm just over reacting. I hate this everyone feels like strangers. I wish I can talk to somebody but I can't. No one's there.

Everyday I would do nothing at home. I guess I'm scared that I might have nothing for my future. But I do hope I'll be able to get out of this problem.

Thanks for reading, I'm sorry that I've been disturbing you with your work. Do your best and I'll try to cheer up. Even though I know no one is here with me. I know that I can't be lonely since you've been listening to my problems. You're really really are good friend... Take care now...

Do your best okay... I'll do my best too... -from Aya-hime (my freaking best friend)

note 2
Scottish, Irish, German, Dutch, English, and Cherokee - Yume's mixed races xD

note 3
Your cruel device
Your blood like ice
One look could kill
My pain your thrill

I wanna love you, but I better not touch (Don't touch)
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much (Too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, and I don't wanna break these chains

Your mouth so hot
Your web I'm caught
Your skin so wet
Black lace on sweat

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins (And pins)
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don't wanna touch you, but you're under my skin (Deep in)
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains

One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

I wanna love you, but I better not touch (Don't touch)
Just wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much (Too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains

I wanna love you, but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains - Poison by Alice Cooper lyric

note 4
OMG OMG OMG OMG!~ AYA-HIME!!!!~
I cant believe that someone DID read my blog.. O_O
I mean.. my other blog..
and she also commented!~
I was thrilled but kyaa!!~ after i visit her website, i just know that shes a writer of a novel.. O_O
and she gave me a positive comment..?
I feel so weird.. haha..
for my poems.. ^^"
I mean.. i never thought that it was great..
now i was in the middle of shock, happy and feeling weird.. haha!

just telling you.. xD
hope you dont mind and just trying to get it out of my mind.. ^^"

-----

O_O you must be crazy to say something like that...
no no no.. eventhough id like that but.. I really cant see me and Mana.. together..?
*suffocates* no no..! Mana-sama would never treat me like that! ^^" I think uhm... he.. uhm... he must.. uhm.. gyahh! i dont know what to say!~

I know youre having fun doing this.. -_-""" Coz i have fun creating your story with prince kamijo too..
but than.. I really cant imagine that.. I mean.. waaahhh!!! Itd be to good to be true!~
no wayy! -my crazy ramblings xD

note 5
Thoughts.
Dear Boy Who Doesn't Exist,
You know, you're the nice one.
The one that smiles with your heart, not only your lips. Whose mouth whispers sweet words, truths, not lies or lyrics with no feeling or worth behind them. Faux love stories, fake princes.

Oh, boy who I've never met...
I want you with each bit of my soul. I think its beyond want, my love, it is need. A need to be consoled. A need to find catharsis and safety within your grasp.
My hands were meant for your's to hold, my lips live for your kiss.

Are you here? Are you taken?
You've been a figment of my dreams, a shadow of my desires. But are you real?
Real with ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, one noes and a heart lusting to meet me?

I think about you all the time, did you know?
I see bits of you everywhere. I love it.
But regaurdless, I'm going to die a sad young man with too many memories for his life to fucking handle.

Hand in hand. Hugs. Sweet kisses. Bouqets. Blowing out candles, I wish I was blind so I couldn't see what I'm missing.

This life, it's too much. I hear the neighbors-strangers fumbling mumbling muttering garbling through the walls, and im tired and I think I just want everyone to be quiet for a little bit, bloody fucking silent and would you get it through your goddamn skulls?

I'm tired and I don't know a single soul in this city, or maybe I don't know anyone here with a soul, and tomorrow I will wake up and everything will be same, and you still wont be here.

Because you,
a lovable, kind, considerate boy with polite manners, honest smiles, and the loyalty of a thousand dogs does not exist. Not in my world.

But once, I knew a boy like you. And it was a sad, long journey. A hollywood homicide of hope shattering teenage hearts.

Our story went something like this,

"David,
i.
i called you darling. you used to call me beautiful until i lost enough weight and you gained enough sadness that together we were no longer whole enough to support each other. you never cried when you're sad the way i do and every place i wished you had kissed is scarred and i can no longer take off my clothes with out turning away from the mirror. now, you don't call me beautiful and i cannot blame you, though every time you left i felt myself falling apart at the seams because i don't think you knew how much i needed you. so it's not like i can't get by with out you; i can and i have and i am right now, but even so i want to dive into you and promise you that somehow, even though we're over, i will make everything okay.

ii.
so you don't call me beautiful anymore, but your name still comes out like honey on my tongue, rolling up my throat like a curse and a lover: which were you anyway? time's change. with you, when i woke up in a panic i'd whisper your name over and over, a lullaby, and calmed myself with thoughts of your calloused fingertips, brown eyes.

iii.
i learned how much i could truely love someone.

iv.
seduction; i told you i'm endearing and you started to believe it. you don't want me anymore and i curl my toes in the dark, wondering when you will again. my skin is freckled and thin at my collar bones, begging you to touch me. did you even hear me whispering your name as i fall back asleep?

v.
i dared you to love me. double dog dare.

vi.
i believe life is a series of beautiful events all stacked together like an oreo cookie. you don't like oreos, or bananas, but sometimes i dream that someday i will kiss you again and that you will like. have you ever known a boy like me?

vii.
you used to call me beautiful, like i was yours. now, you call me the name my parents gave me and i still call you darling, love, mine. airplanes and fireflies: i wish that you would call me beautiful again, just once.

viii.
you get so discouraged with the world and i beg it to look more inviting to your sad eyes: every window is an escape, every building a prison. i like to lay alone on the grass and drink in the stars; you lay alone on your bed and wonder when the day will be over. so maybe youre right, maybe i'm just a silly boy, dangling bare feet out the window until you begged me to come back in (i told you you loved me). and yeah maybe i'm just a silly boy and maybe you're a love affair with insanity, but i still believe we belong together: you never believed in fate or destiny but i know better -- we haven't gone through all this for nothing and i vainly hope that someday it will pay off, your fingers against my skin and love more intense than either of us expected to exist.

ix.
so i haven't been kissed in weeks and you question your sanity. how do you cope with such pain? you ask. i cry and i cut and mostly i just drink until i'm honest enough to tell you how goddamn much i love every word you say.

x.
and you don't call me beautiful anymore, but i know you think i am just the same with my messy hair and black eyes and a tendency to swear too much. every bed i've ever slept in has been with you, i hope you know that: i take you with me everywhere. my lucky charm. and every tear i've ever cried over you, i lick off my face. i am all passion: you used to love that about me. now, empathy has betrayed me and you don't smile when you think of me.
maybe life is supposed to hurt.

xi.
i am always powerless against you. you, with the right words to say and the hurt that i can feel. there was a fault line in my old city, where the world would crumble and shake and remind us that we are powerless. someday i will take you back there and dance dance dance! who says pain has to be ugly anyway?

xii.
i hope you know i have never loved this way before, but you're not listening. David, you never really did."

So, boy who I've never met.
I may be broken, but I'm ready to love you.

I've got plenty of flaws, more than most even.

For instance, my jaw grows stiff when I chew excessively. I also have this really bad twitch in my left eye. I have enough reason to believe that I squirm frequently whilst sleeping and I often find myself in rather perverse positions upon waking up.

I have a bad shoulder and my smile is crooked. I over-think miniscule details of situations, which in turn cause delayed decisions. I don't speak enough, have a maniacal laugh, tell bad/corny jokes, and I probably suck in bed.

But if you want me,
I'm yours. -Lexi's last blog (before I lost him)

note 6
everytime i watch a movie or series, i'll be filled by emotion... it's fun and it makes me laugh but sometimes

i just skipped the last part.. never wanting to watch the last episode... because i dont want it to end...
just dont want all the feelings to end...

it's like something that wraps and warms you up... but at the end it breaks and leave you in the cold..
it reminds me that...

every good things will end eventually soon..
and that saddens me..

I know I'm running from reality.. but what do i have in reality..?

so.. by not watching... i freeze my own time there...
eventhough its stupid.. somehow...
at least it will never end... -my realisation

note 7
reiki-hannya@hotmail.com - reiki's email (funny, i kept it lol)

note 8
So... Its is officially new year for me...
And.. this new year is so fun because i spend it on RM.. ^^
I am really happy...
Thank you everybody..!~ I just loves you all.. XD

I cant remember when is the first time I ever online on RM..
but what i remembers is.. that its is fun.. ^^
Drof, Ali, Budo and Urra was online that time..
They are so nice to me.. I loves them.. ^^

I have so many fun and happy memories on RM...
It is really my second home...
There is no site that I love more than RM.. honestly!~
RM is always fun.. the peoples are fun.. and nice...
I feel so alive and loved in RM.. and I always miss RM and the peoples when Im away..
Like when I have to go to camping or something.. ^^
My psych sucks.. haha!~

Tasha-sen

I love you and you know it.. ^^
In fact.. everyone knows it.. XD
Im so happy with you.. you makes me smile... :D
I love everything about you..!~ ... maybe not... i love everything about you except for..
your perverted mind.. haha!~ XD but I luvs you!!!~
So, you light up my world... and i feel so special..
I am loved.. ^^ No day is complete without you.. <3
And I will always love you more and more everyday..!~
Ohh.. and I do love you more than I love Mana-sama.. <3
Only that I just likes to tease you.. XD Sorry for that, baby.. ^^"

Drof-chan

You are the bestest ever!!~
I loves you so much... you always make me happy...
And we share alot of things.. I guess.. hahaXD
Thank you so much for doing a lot of stuff for me...
You draw really beautiful things for me.. and that stays on my heart forever...
You are always there when I needed somebody...
I instantly become happy when I see your name...
It makes me smile... and I loves talking to you..
We are sisters no matter what okay..? and I promised to be your penguin, remember.. XD
and remember what you promised me the other night... hold my hand tightly... ^^

Budo-chan and Ali-chan

You guys are the best moderators EVER!~ in my life.. XDD
and will always be... Ali and Budo-chan ish so sweet and nice and caring...
Thank you very much for helping me when I needed opinion and stuff...
After everything.. I know I loves you two.. ^^
Ali and Budo ish my idol..!~ and I wish I could grow up and be as strong as you two..!~
and you guys always made my day!~ its so fun knowing you two.. XD
I still remember my first impression on Budo-chan and Ali...
I thought that Ali ish cool and Budo is too sweet.. XD
She always gives me cookies and Ali is always fabulous... yay!~
and I am so happy to know you two... and your videos are the best!!!~

Tidus

I really love talking to you.. XD We always have a conversation and you will make me forget
what time is it when we both are online.. XD we talked alot!~
Especially on JRock section.. OMG!~ haha!~ I dont have any new post after you left.. XD
You is so fun!~ and I am so sorry when I put the naked Gackt pic on the forum.. XD
But at least I thought it was fun.. haha.. and grilled cheese forever!!~

Reita and Reila

OMG!~ you both ish so cute.. ^^ I likes you two..!!~
and I sometimes mistakes over you two.. haha.. ^^" sorry.. my bad.. XD
anyway... Reita and Reila... I really love talking to both of you..
eventhough we dont really talk that much.. but enjoy every second talking to you two.. :3
and I hope one day gazette will come and visit you two.. probably you two will faint but they will catch you.. XD

Saita and Mars

You two are so so so so so so sweet!~ thank you for taking care about me.. ^^
and you two ish so cute too.. physically and in person..!~ yays!~ Im so happy when Im around you two.. ^^
I always feel like huggling you two... :3 Saita.. XD Uru is made for you!!!~ and Mars!!~ better steal him from Ali now.. XDD
I love PMing you both... and you guys... are much sweeter than any sweets i ever had.. ^.^

Kumiko and Eiduru

hahaha!~ Kumiko.. i think you needs to stop hating kids.. XD and eiduru... keep on drawing!!~
Kumiko-chan ish fun.. XD and I will kill Bill for you!!~ and we really should stalk Miyavi someday.. haha
Eiduru ish also sweet!~ and I am so happy that you didnt forget about me when youre away.. ^^
I loves you two..!!!~ and I always like it when you guys online... XDDDD

Katra and Urra

Katra!!~ I always like the fact that you do cosplay.. XD and you ish funny too sometimes..
eventhough we dont really talk, i read your posts and it makes me laugh.. XD
Urra!!~ I loves your drawing.. you is so talented.. with all the music instrument and stuff..
OMG!~ I wish I could be you.. XD also..!~ I likes your band... XD

22 and Jigsaw

You two ish so cute together... XD I likes seeing you two... ^^
and jigsaw!!~ you always come with news and updates... youre so cool.. XD
22.. i think you have an obsession on taking pics.. XD but its okay because you is pretty.. ^^
lastly... I loves you two..!!~ *huggles*

Nazume and Sccmar

Kyaaaa!!~ I wish you two would online more... because i could hardly talk to you two.. XD
but from what i know.. you two are fun.. ^^ I wish I know you guys more so that i will know what should I say now..
hahaXD anyways.. loves you guys too..!!~

DC, never_mind, gaza the lova, kaeru, miiko-chan, eriert, angelostnhea7en, ayla, chizu-chan, ash, yuuto, bloosi, nadeshiko,
smopiiac, kitsune, okitoki, rainhero, and everyone who never really talked to me...

I wish i could talk to you... i wish i had the chance to know you peoples... you guys seems fun.. ^^
and you guys loves gazette as i do..!!~ yay for yourselves.. XD *huggles*

aeryl and diana

hahaha.. ^^ sorry for dragging you here.. and i noticed that lately you guys never really post.. ^^"
Im so sorry... but I luvs you two.. XD we talked on other site more and i knows that you both
are such a sweet person.. <3 I love you!!!!~ *huggles*


So... Im so sorry for anybody that I didnt meantion.. dont kill e.. ;-;
I just having a short memory problem.. ^^"
I just wanna tell you you guys... taht you guys are the best!!~ ever!!~
and its such a shame thatI cant be here anymore.. ;_;
My parents wont let me online anymore for 2008... due to my big exam.. TT_TT
It is so sad to leave RM... I t is heart breaking to say goodbye...
But.. I cant do a thing about it... I'll have to say...

Goodbye, now, everybody...
today is my last day onlining...
when i sign out.. it means that it will be my last log in...
i hope everyone will enjoy their life...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!~ MAY THE BEST COME TO YOU!!~

I just LOVE you guys!!!~ so much!!!~

Love, Ila-chan, you cookies eater!!~ -my last wish to everybody at RM (fuck, i miss them)

note 9
i have been hurting myself ila..
because i want to be with you.. more than anything
but its not Possible
i should try and find someone else
because i cant ever be with you..
and if i keep holding on.. i am going to bleed to Death -from someone whom i love so much

yeah, that's pretty much all the things i cherished. you should know how my life works from that. haha. there were lots of emotions there, it brings back memories. i'm keeping them here, as a part of my memory.