:: tainted blood ::

It was a cold night where the wind blows pretty harsh on Fye's soft skin. Under the moon light, he look almost angelic. Malilith and Ila stared at the pretty doll's hair. It looked so soft and silky. And that silver shines under the shallow moon light. As Malilith and Ila stared at him, he looked back with soft smile. Both of them were mesmerized with his beauty especially that pair of pretty greyish eyes.

"What are you two looking at?" asked the smiling one.
"Why? Of course you," replied Malilith bluntly, followed by chuckles from Ila.

Fye smiled at the answer and stood up. "I guess I better get the dinner ready"
Both of the other followed Fye to kitchen and prepared themselves for their work. Malilith is usually in charge of preparing the ingredients while Ila and Fye are in charge of the cooking part. Usually they would do three dishes a day. Today, they are making vegetables soup, chicken stew, and soft fried tofu.

During the cutting process, Malilith cut himself and bleed. "Ouch!"
"What happened?" asked Ila.
"I just cut myself."
"Is it bad?"
"Not really."

Fye quickly came to him and take a look at the wound. "It's pretty deep actually. Ila, come here."

Ila rushed to their side and stared at the blood. "It's so pretty"
"Ila, it's not the time. Now could you please bring the first aid kit?" demand Fye.
"Hait!"

After Fye covered the wound, Malilith stared at it. "Why does my blood looks so dark compared to Fye and so pale compared to Ila?"
"Because we're different," answered Fye.
"All of us has different blood. You, me and Fye is. Eventhough we're different, we still love each other nonetheless. This isn't something big, Malilith. Mine is much darker because it's tainted," added Ila.
"What do you mean by tainted?" asked Malilith.
"I am mom and dad's reincarnation of the bad sides. All their sorrow, misery, dark secrets, bad quality and dark visionary are passed down to me. While Fye is the reincarnation of them being kind, nice, beautiful, and everything that keep them a nice person."
"Then, what is me?"
"You? You are those that make them human," answered Fye before kissing him on his forehead.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I missed them both and it has been so long. Tomorrow is their death anniversary and also their birthday. Will I die tomorrow? Or do I have to wait longer?

flightless sky

so i thought that i've changed
and i do completely
maybe on the outside
but i'm not thinking like who i was before
i can't even write as good as before
i think probably i'll be needing a break after this semester ends

and i'd like to write fanfic again

i just read my old post about me Malilith and Fye
i feel like crying

my feelings at that time are so deep
and now it's slowly fading
but i just don't wanna let it go
i'm afraid of letting go

i suck at this
i got bad results and i'm sure guilty as hell
i promised Malilith to be the one he would be
fuck I didn't even do good in Malaysian Studies
and my biology is just nightmare
i feel like crying

Malaysian Studies - B-
Biology - D

where am i going now?
i need guidance

Malilith,
if you were to see this
i think know you'd slap me hard
i know you care too much
now i feel so guilty
i wish i could be as smart as Fye

so leave me be
i'll try to improve
more
more
more
more and
more

SAY IT

when i saw you in your weakened state
i thought i'd cry
but you smiled instead
in front of me

listening to : Madina Lake - Here I Stand

My hands shake 'cause today,
I know you're gonna break my heart and,
My life without you in it
Is a life that's not worth living.
I'll be strong but I wish I was someone else,
Anyone but me, tonight.

Here I stand (Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me.

So I'll start to pretend I'm ok
But you should know by now that
My life is smoke and mirrors,
One thing is crystal clear
That I'm the one wishing I was someone else,
Anyone but me tonight.

Here I stand (Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me.

(Where do we go?) (Where do we go?)

Inside I start to fall apart. (Where do we go?)
And I'll pretend I'm holding on (Where do we go?)
I guess I'll bleed in silence.(In silence)
I guess I'll bleed in silence.

Here I stand (Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me.

(Here I stand)
On my own, (Here I stand)
Tonight (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was strong enough to breathe (Here I stand)
Without you, (Here I stand)
In my life, (Here I stand)
You know I wish I was anyone but me

that's how i feel now

love, Malilith Ila

one night stand

it's already 6.30am right now and i'm still awake
haha
we made it
we didn't sleep this night
reminds me of my childhood memories
it has been a long time since the last time I did this
and I'm getting dizzy, nausea, sleepy, sick, hungry, and probably stressed

oh my god
today i drank a lot of coke
which makes me high
haha
they didn't know it
but i think they somehow catch me
yeah
i'm high with extra coke or carbonated drinks
but i love coke
and my sister knows it
haha
i know i act weird when i'm high
well, unconsciously
fuck!

but today
there's something that i'm mad about
my friend, my innocent friend
tried to smoke
i'm so pissed
i tried to stop but when Echa said
"biar la diaorang, diaorang dah besar"
i was freaking pissed

yes, I'm pissed at all of you
for encouraging Farah and Fung to smoke
maybe only Fung
it's bad
I'm sorry that I'm pissed
but I just am

i love you all as my friend
and i do freaking care about you all
but maybe i was too harsh too
fuck
i don't know now
what i know is i was mad that time

maybe i shouldn't have talked about this at the car at all
they seem ignoring it
maybe i was wrong
they're grown up teenager
and it's up to them
i should kill my protective instinct
they are not kids
fuck i treat them like kids
or so i think

maybe i should give them space
in any way
i meant no harm
i'm just worried sick
maybe I'm just being busybody
sorry

in all ways
it was fun
haha

*smiles nyappily now*

when i looked upon tonight's half moon
i feel emptiness crept over me
when i cherish it
i notice that they are someone
behind me
next to me
in front of me
and i love the feeling
of overwhelming warmth
in the unity of our almost cold hands
warming each other
i'll keep this memory

good night

maybe i'll start later
my head's spinning
and i'm listening to heilig by tokio hotel
i hated them really
but i don't know why i love this song

i think i do

i wanted to dance with Malilith once again
let me dream

i'm sleepy
a bit hungry
a little mad
feels like biting someone to death
KAMI KOROSU!

i'm talking to myself again
weird eh
but if i'm weird
then

the world is weird

thanks to Farah for making me do this blogspot
hahahahahahaha

it's time

smooth silk runs down
it fell off my arms
when i reach for it
it flies away
and i could never catch it
now I've lost it

could i ever find it again?

NEW

wao~
feels weird
so new

this need improvements
anybody to help?